Some people think that in modern society individuals are becoming more dependent on each other, while others say that individuals are becoming more independent of each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

these days, a group of
people
believe that there is a strong correlation between the public in
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
age
although
some
people
bear a notion that individuals are more
self-reliance
Replace the word
self-reliant
show examples
. in
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
age, communities are of abreast
releance
Correct your spelling
reliance
relevance
in all sections, including economy, health, education, culture and so forth,
while
the minority conduct and make decisions out of the society whose decisions would derive from the public. individuals are dependent
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
in sorts of
section
Fix the agreement mistake
sections
show examples
which economic activities are the most significant because
market
Correct article usage
the market
show examples
contains various jobs, like banks providing liquidity , factories manufacturing goods,
labours
Correct your spelling
labourers
show examples
working in factories,
besides
Correct word choice
and
show examples
people
consume
Wrong verb form
consuming
show examples
things.
Therefore
all
peopel
Correct your spelling
people
engage in
cycle
Add an article
a cycle
the cycle
show examples
of
processe
Correct your spelling
process
processes
which if one of them
eliminated
Add a missing verb
is eliminated
show examples
, entire the procedure would halt or move with minimum acceleration whit it is detrimental
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
states.
Secondly
, citizens bear harsh
correlation
Fix the agreement mistake
correlations
show examples
in order to enhance
level
Add an article
the level
show examples
of culture.
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
painters would
inpart
Correct your spelling
part
spacial
concept
Fix the agreement mistake
concepts
show examples
by drawing or actors and actresses introduce novel
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
by acting in
theathers
Correct your spelling
theatres
and movies.
Besides
, teachers
teache
Correct your spelling
teach
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children similar
consept
Correct your spelling
concepts
,
additionally
, privet sectors and companies dedicated
budget
Fix the agreement mistake
budgets
show examples
, and the police provide social security,
hence
all of these
sould cordinate
Correct your spelling
should coordinate
with each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
in order to change
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new
behavior
Fix the agreement mistake
behaviors
show examples
to norms and beliefs readily. as outlined above, all
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
of
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
must have
cordination
Correct your spelling
coordination
and reliance because
currents
Change the noun form
current
show examples
affairs are more complicated rather than life in the past. it is possible that some
people
are able to be independent in
smal
Correct your spelling
small
scales but surely, they do not prosper in large scales.
Submitted by pooya.sheytoon2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion
Work on improving the introduction and conclusion to clearly outline your position on the topic and summarize your main points.
supported main points
Develop your paragraphs fully by expanding on your main points and providing more detailed supporting evidence.
logical structure
Improve the logical flow of your essay by using more cohesive devices and transitions between sentences and paragraphs.
complete response
Your essay addresses the task prompt and provides relevant examples.
clear comprehensive ideas
You make a clear attempt to discuss both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach to the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • interdependence
  • globalized economy
  • collaborative work environments
  • crowd-sourced
  • empowered
  • perception
  • availability
  • autonomy
  • reliance
  • shifted
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!