A large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local children's sports team for two years, or to pay for two open-air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public. Write a letter to the company. In your letter: - describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team - summarise the benefits of paying for the concerts - say how you think the company should spend some money
#company #area #amount #money #sponsor #children #sports #team #two #years #concerts #feedback #summarise
Dear Sir/Madam,
I would like to thank you for your decision regarding spending some money either on our junior
sports
team
members twice or giving two open concerts. so, I am writing this
letter to give my feedback on what should be done for
Change preposition
about
this
.
Firstly
, It is really beneficial for both to youngster's team
and your business if you choose to give sponsorship for two years to their team
by means of promoting your company's products too. Moreover
, they will remember you for a long time for being such
a nice businessman and helping them and a few of them might be sports
person
in the future who can give fame to you too. Fix the agreement mistake
people
In addition
, the best thing about doing this
will be that team
members can have sufficient supplies for practising their game which is really very good for our community.
Secondly
, another idea of spending expenses on concerts like music, comedy or dancing, which is also
a stress buster for our local people. This
can be relevant at certain times. Furthermore
, People can also
enjoy that night being with friends and family which will allow them some time to be away from a stressful life.
In my opinion, both things will be beneficial. However
, spending money on concerts will give you less benefit compared to sponsoring a sports
team
as a concert is going to be no more than 4 hours but the team
members will remember you for a long period. So, I think you should support our children's sports
and gaming teams.
Thank you for giving this
opportunity to general people to give you feedback.
Yours Faithfully,
Shuru.Submitted by parmarshreya897 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure, consider organizing your paragraphs more clearly with distinct ideas in each. For example, one paragraph for the benefits of sponsoring the sports team, another for the benefits of the concerts, and a third for your recommendation.
task achievement
To fully achieve the task, explicitly describe more specific benefits of each option and provide a stronger rationale for your recommendation. This will show a more thorough understanding and consideration of both options.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closing are appropriately polite and formal, which is suitable for this type of letter.
task achievement
The writing tone is formal and respectful, which is suitable for addressing a company.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite