A large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local children's sports team for two years, or to pay for two open-air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public. Write a letter to the company. In your letter: - describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team - summarise the benefits of paying for the concerts - say how you think the company should spend some money

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Dear Sir/Madam, I would like to thank you for your decision regarding spending some money either on our junior

sports

Use synonyms

team

Use synonyms

members twice or giving two open concerts. so, I am writing

this

Linking Words

letter to give my feedback on what should be done

for

Change preposition

about

show examples

this

Linking Words

Firstly

Linking Words

, It is really beneficial for both to youngster's

team

Use synonyms

and your business if you choose to give sponsorship for two years to their

team

Use synonyms

by means of promoting your company's products too.

Moreover

Linking Words

, they will remember you for a long time for being

such

Linking Words

a nice businessman and helping them and a few of them might be

sports

Use synonyms

person

Fix the agreement mistake

people

show examples

in the future who can give fame to you too.

In addition

Linking Words

, the best thing about doing

this

Linking Words

will be that

team

Use synonyms

members can have sufficient supplies for practising their game which is really very good for our community.

Secondly

Linking Words

, another idea of spending expenses on concerts like music, comedy or dancing, which is

also

Linking Words

a stress buster for our local people.

This

Linking Words

can be relevant at certain times.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, People can

also

Linking Words

enjoy that night being with friends and family which will allow them some time to be away from a stressful life. In my opinion, both things will be beneficial.

However

Linking Words

, spending money on concerts will give you less benefit compared to sponsoring a

sports

Use synonyms

team

Use synonyms

as a concert is going to be no more than 4 hours but the

team

Use synonyms

members will remember you for a long period. So, I think you should support our children's

sports

Use synonyms

and gaming teams. Thank you for giving

this

Linking Words

opportunity to general people to give you feedback. Yours Faithfully, Shuru.

parmarshreya897Thu Sep 05 2024

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coherence cohesion

To improve the logical structure, consider organizing your paragraphs more clearly with distinct ideas in each. For example, one paragraph for the benefits of sponsoring the sports team, another for the benefits of the concerts, and a third for your recommendation.

task achievement

To fully achieve the task, explicitly describe more specific benefits of each option and provide a stronger rationale for your recommendation. This will show a more thorough understanding and consideration of both options.

coherence cohesion

The greeting and closing are appropriately polite and formal, which is suitable for this type of letter.

task achievement

The writing tone is formal and respectful, which is suitable for addressing a company.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

8 paragraphs

274 words

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