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Writing Samples
Band 5

As a result of tourism and the increasing number of people travelling, there is a growing demand for more flights. What problems does this have on the environment? What measures could be taken to solve the problems?

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In recent times, tourism has become widely popular, and
consequently
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, the demand for flights has
also
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 significantly increased.
Although
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air
Use synonyms
travel
Use synonyms
 serves as a fast mode of transportation, thereby increasing global connectivity, it
also
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 has some detrimental effects on the environment.
This
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 essay aims to elaborate on these effects and discuss some measures that can be taken to mitigate these challenges.
To begin
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 with, empirical evidence gathered from multiple studies strongly suggests that
air
Use synonyms
travel
Use synonyms
 requires a lot of resources,
such
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 as a large area of land that needs to be cleared for the construction of airports, for
this
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 many grasslands are often cleared, taking away the home of many animals.
Moreover
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, aeroplanes require a large amount of fossil fuel, which leads to
depletion
Correct article usage
the depletion
show examples
 of natural resources. To
further
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 comprehend the implication of
this
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 issue, it is essential to consider the amount of carbon dioxide and greenhouse gases emitted by these aeroplanes, which significantly contribute to an increase in the carbon footprint.
However
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, in order to mitigate these challenges, I believe proper
air
Use synonyms
 traffic management is paramount. Introducing more connecting flights
instead
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 of direct ones would help to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
air
Use synonyms
 traffic substantially. Another critical aspect to explore is research on alternate fuels
such
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 as biofuel, and building eco-friendly aircrafts that create less pollution.
Moreover
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, people should be encouraged to choose more environment-friendly
travel
Use synonyms
 options like
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 buses and trains for short distances. In conclusion, since more people are choosing to
travel
Use synonyms
 by
air
Use synonyms
, the environment is being negatively affected. It raises problems
such
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 as
clearance
Correct article usage
the clearance
show examples
 of flora and fauna of the area.
Additionally
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, it causes
air
Use synonyms
 pollution and leads to
depletion
Correct article usage
the depletion
show examples
 of fossil fuels.
However
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, these problems can be controlled by proper planning and management.
Furthermore
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, encouraging projects that aim to explore more sustainable fuel options would contribute
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 resolving
this
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 issue.

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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to strengthen the arguments. For instance, mention specific studies or data related to carbon emissions by flights or any specific regulations for air traffic management.
coherence cohesion
Although the coherence and cohesion are generally good, some transitions between ideas could be made smoother. For example, elaborate on how connecting flights could result in an efficient reduction of air traffic.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and well-organized structure, with a strong introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the central arguments effectively.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported and logically developed, making the arguments compelling and easy to follow.
task achievement
The essay covers the task requirements comprehensively by addressing both the problems caused by increased demand for flights and the potential measures to solve them.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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