Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, part of
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the world
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world
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world's
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population believes
government
Correct article usage
the government
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should have an important role
to prevent
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in preventing
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disease thanks to
creation
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the creation
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of a plan, that can remove the majority of air
pollution
.
I'm totally agree
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I totally agree
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with
this
statements
Fix the agreement mistake
statement
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because
pollution
damages
products
Correct article usage
the products
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which we eat regularly and gas
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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produced by industrial basements
go
Correct subject-verb agreement
goes
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inside
own
Correct pronoun usage
our own
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body
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bodies
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.
Agriculture
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The agriculture
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sector is very influenced by
environment
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the environment
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because all ground products
such
as vegetables and fruits depend
by
Change preposition
on
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the nature status, and in
this
period, a lot of toxic particles are
depositing
Wrong verb form
deposited
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in plantations and despite
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the food
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food
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food,
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sector
is
Wrong verb form
being
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strightly
Correct your spelling
slightly
straightly
controlled some bad products are
saled
Correct your spelling
sold
especially in locations of suburbs markets where directly farmers are
salers
Correct your spelling
sales
.
For example
,
last
week I bought some tomatoes
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
a local stand and two days after I ate pasta with tomato sauce with my family,
everyone
Correct word choice
and everyone
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felt bad
immediatly
Correct your spelling
immediately
.
Moreover
, animals that we eat are influenced by
pollution
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the pollution
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because all of them have a respiratory system so meat became
also
unhealty
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
. Some research confirmed that in plants and
animals
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animals,
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there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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the effects of
pollution
and discovered some toxic
substance
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substances
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in them that
prevously
Correct your spelling
previously
there weren't. In recent years, the gas released in
atmosphere
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the atmosphere
show examples
is
Verb problem
has
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always more, and we in a breathing
collecte
Correct your spelling
collected
collect
collects
inside a lot of these particles that
deposite
Correct your spelling
deposit
deposited
in
lungs
Correct article usage
the lungs
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and
then
can cause some
interructions
Correct your spelling
interruptions
interactions
between
respiratory
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the respiratory
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system and
heart
Correct article usage
the heart
show examples
. I can compare
this
situation with a man who smokes cigarettes after some years some
region
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regions
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of his body are damaged. In
fact
Add a comma
fact,
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in some cities in
Japan
Add a comma
Japan,
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people can't go outside for smog or
eccessive
Correct your spelling
excessive
gas released. In conclusion,
eliminating
Change preposition
by eliminating
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smog and
pollution
we can solve some health problems so I think that must make
plan
Add an article
a plan
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to improve
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
conditions.
Submitted by matteosolito03 on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion to frame your ideas effectively. Your introduction states your position but could be clearer and more direct.
logical structure
Organize your points logically with clear topic sentences for each paragraph. Your points on agriculture and pollution’s effects on health should be more cohesively linked to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Revise for grammatical errors and sentence structure issues to improve readability. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and article usage.
relevant specific examples
Provide specific examples to support your points. For instance, complement your discussion on pollution's effects with data or studies from reliable sources.
clear comprehensive ideas
Elaborate on your main ideas with further details. For example, explain how governmental interventions in housing and pollution control can tangibly improve public health.
complete response
You identify key areas where government intervention can make a difference, such as pollution and housing, which are relevant to public health.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay touches on various aspects of how pollution impacts health, demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
introduction conclusion present
Concluding with a strong statement about the need for governmental planning towards improving environmental conditions is effective.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive healthcare
  • environmental regulations
  • respiratory diseases
  • public health policies
  • sanitation facilities
  • urban planning
  • communicable diseases
  • socio-economic factors
  • sustainable development
  • government intervention
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • industrial emissions
  • air quality index
  • affordable housing
  • mental wellbeing
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