Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Nowadays, part of
Add an article
the world
world
population believes Change noun form
world's
government
should have an important role Correct article usage
the government
to prevent
disease thanks to Change preposition
in preventing
creation
of a plan, that can remove the majority of air Add an article
the creation
pollution
. I'm totally agree
with Change the verb form
I totally agree
this
statements
because Fix the agreement mistake
statement
pollution
damages products
which we eat regularly and gas Correct article usage
the products
was
produced by industrial basements Unnecessary verb
apply
go
inside Correct subject-verb agreement
goes
own
Correct pronoun usage
our own
body
.
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
Agriculture
sector is very influenced by Add an article
The agriculture
environment
because all ground products Add an article
the environment
such
as vegetables and fruits depend by
the nature status, and in Change preposition
on
this
period, a lot of toxic particles are depositing
in plantations and despite Wrong verb form
deposited
Correct article usage
the food
food
sector Add a comma
food,
is
Wrong verb form
being
strightly
controlled some bad products are Correct your spelling
slightly
straightly
saled
especially in locations of suburbs markets where directly farmers are Correct your spelling
sold
salers
. Correct your spelling
sales
For example
, last
week I bought some tomatoes in
a local stand and two days after I ate pasta with tomato sauce with my family, Change preposition
from
everyone
felt bad Correct word choice
and everyone
immediatly
. Correct your spelling
immediately
Moreover
, animals that we eat are influenced by pollution
because all of them have a respiratory system so meat became Add an article
the pollution
also
unhealty
. Some research confirmed that in plants and Correct your spelling
unhealthy
animals
there Add a comma
animals,
is
the effects of Correct subject-verb agreement
are
pollution
and discovered some toxic substance
in them that Fix the agreement mistake
substances
prevously
there weren't.
In recent years, the gas released in Correct your spelling
previously
atmosphere
Add an article
the atmosphere
is
always more, and we in a breathing Verb problem
has
collecte
inside a lot of these particles that Correct your spelling
collected
collect
collects
deposite
in Correct your spelling
deposit
deposited
lungs
and Correct article usage
the lungs
then
can cause some interructions
between Correct your spelling
interruptions
interactions
respiratory
system and Add an article
the respiratory
heart
. I can compare Correct article usage
the heart
this
situation with a man who smokes cigarettes after some years some region
of his body are damaged. In Fix the agreement mistake
regions
fact
in some cities in Add a comma
fact,
Japan
people can't go outside for smog or Add a comma
Japan,
eccessive
gas released.
In conclusion,Correct your spelling
excessive
eliminating
smog and Change preposition
by eliminating
pollution
we can solve some health problems so I think that must make plan
to improve Add an article
a plan
environment
conditions.Replace the word
environmental
Submitted by matteosolito03 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
introduction conclusion present
Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion to frame your ideas effectively. Your introduction states your position but could be clearer and more direct.
logical structure
Organize your points logically with clear topic sentences for each paragraph. Your points on agriculture and pollution’s effects on health should be more cohesively linked to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Revise for grammatical errors and sentence structure issues to improve readability. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and article usage.
relevant specific examples
Provide specific examples to support your points. For instance, complement your discussion on pollution's effects with data or studies from reliable sources.
clear comprehensive ideas
Elaborate on your main ideas with further details. For example, explain how governmental interventions in housing and pollution control can tangibly improve public health.
complete response
You identify key areas where government intervention can make a difference, such as pollution and housing, which are relevant to public health.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay touches on various aspects of how pollution impacts health, demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
introduction conclusion present
Concluding with a strong statement about the need for governmental planning towards improving environmental conditions is effective.