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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#shops #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The line graph depicts the number of
shops
Use synonyms
 that opened and closed in a country,
during
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2011 to 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
,
maximum
Correct article usage
the maximum
show examples
Use synonyms
shops
Correct quantifier usage
number of shops
show examples
 were established in 2011,
while
Linking Words
 the least opened in 2018;
whereas
Linking Words
,
maximum
Correct article usage
the maximum
show examples
Use synonyms
shops
Correct quantifier usage
number of shops
show examples
 were shut down in 2013, and
minimum
Correct article usage
the minimum
show examples
 in 2015. In 2011, about 8,500 new
shops
Use synonyms
 were established,
however
Linking Words
, the
numbers
Use synonyms
 significantly plunged in 2012, reaching 4,000.
Conversely
Linking Words
, there was a gradual increase over the next two years with about 5,000 and 6,000
shops
Use synonyms
 being established in 2013 and 2014 respectively. In the next three years, the statistics stayed rather constant, with about 4,000
shops
Use synonyms
 being introduced each year.
However
Linking Words
, the
numbers
Use synonyms
 declined to 3,000 in 2018.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in 2011, 6,400
shopped
Replace the word
shops
show examples
 were shut down,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
Use synonyms
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
further
Linking Words
 decreased to 6,000 in 2012.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, there was a sudden surge in 2013, with about 7,100
shops
Use synonyms
 being closed. The
Use synonyms
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 gradually decreased to 6,500 in 2014,
moreover
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 rapid decline was observed in 2015, when only 500
shops
Use synonyms
 were shut down.
The
Change preposition
In the
show examples
 following three years, the
numbers
Use synonyms
 rose back again and stayed relatively constant, with approximately 5,000
shops
Use synonyms
 being closed each year. In conclusion,
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
 number of
shops
Use synonyms
 were opened in 2018,
while
Linking Words
 most of them opened in 2011.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
shops
Use synonyms
where
Correct your spelling
were
show examples
 shut down in 2015, and most were shut down in 2013.
Submitted by khushichhillar on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 77%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words shops, numbers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stayed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradual" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • retail landscape
  • net growth
  • market dynamics
  • economic indicators
  • fluctuations
  • pivotal
  • consumption patterns
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar
  • downward/upward trend
  • stabilize
  • recession
  • boom
  • retail sector
  • closure rate
  • inauguration/opening rate
  • consumer market
  • saturate
  • commercial viability
  • profitability
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