IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
Nowadays, the population is preferring societies to villages.
That is
 why, in many parts of the world, individuals are migrating towards developed cities. I believe that
this
 is a positive development, and in
this
 essay, I will elaborate on my perspective.
To begin
, in
this
 modern era, societies are rapidly developing,
whereas
 the development rate of villages is very slow.
This
 is because these places do not have as many facilities as compared to cities. Resultantly, the residents of these
areas
 are moving to those places, which can offer them a more luxurious life. Migrating to urban
areas
 is a great decision because the lifestyle of these
areas
 can make people
hardworking
Correct your spelling
hard working
show examples
 and guarantee a bright future, like getting a
high-paid
Correct your spelling
high-paying
show examples
 job,
excellent
Correct word choice
and excellent
show examples
 public transport infrastructure for convenient
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
.
For instance
, in my country, many families leave their hometowns so their children can get a good education
that is
 only available in urban
areas
.
Furthermore
, health facilities are the main concern of the residents when they decide to move to another place. They often change their accommodation because of no
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
show examples
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 clinics available in their town. Pedestrians
also
 go to foreign countries when they cannot find any beneficial treatment in their own nation. As an illustration, in the UK, the majority of the population is migrating from small villages to London or England to find better hospitals. In conclusion,
although
 rural people love their place, it is the medical facilities and successful career opportunities that drive them towards cities.
Submitted by sajeehulzamans on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples and explanations to support your points. For instance, mention specific cities or regions where people have seen significant benefits from moving to urban areas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs and points to enhance overall cohesion. Linking words and phrases such as 'furthermore' and 'for example' can help connect your ideas more fluently.
task achievement
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the argument well.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is generally strong, with each paragraph focusing on specific points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
Look at other essays: