IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Travelling abroad is a common trend nowadays for different reasons.This essay will discuss two main reasons for this cause and point out the negative impacts that would have on Society. Reason : Employment opportunities and Lifestyle Negative Impact : Getting expensive and competion in job market

#trend #two #point #impacts #society #reason #employment #opportunities #lifestyle #impact #competion #job #market
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Nowadays,
people
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 are travelling to foreign
nations
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 for many reasons . The two main reasons for
this
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 cause are employment opportunities and
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lifestyle
Correct article usage
the lifestyle
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 of other
countries
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.
However
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, there are some demerits too
such
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 as it rises to competition in the
job
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 market and things are getting expensive
due to
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 migration. The first main reason for
this
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 cause
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 better employment opportunities,
people
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 move to other
nations
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 in order to get better employment which has similar education but better salary associated with a large number of benefits like
job
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 security , dental coverage and life insurance. The second main reason for
this
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 cause is that travelling
lead
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leads
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people
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 to explore
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lifestyle
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the lifestyle
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 of other
countries
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.
In other words
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,
people
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 explore other cultures and
adapt
Correct your spelling
adopt
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 them because travellers like the healthy environment of other
nations
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.
For example
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, many
people
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 from India moving to Canada because Canada has a better
lifestyle
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 in a case of
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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 environment like
Correct article usage
a pollution
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pollution free
Add a hyphen
pollution-free
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 environment and
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
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 are more independent as compared to Indian culture.
However
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 , there are two main demerits. Primary, the things are getting expensive
due to
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 travelling. Most of the restaurants increase their prices of food because
people
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 are coming more to buy from those places
as well
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as
Correct word choice
and
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 housing rates
are
Verb problem
have
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 doubled because a large number of
people
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shows
Wrong verb form
showed
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 interest in
settle
Wrong verb form
settling
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 down in other
countries
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 which makes
hard
Correct pronoun usage
it hard
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 for
people
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 to buy
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
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 at affordable rate.
Secondary
Replace the word
Secondly
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, If a large
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of
people
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 migrate to other
nations
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 for better
job
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 opportunities
then
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 it
rise
Change the verb form
rises
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to
Change preposition
apply
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competitions
Fix the agreement mistake
competition
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 among individuals which would increase
unemployment
Add an article
the unemployment
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 rate.
For example
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, in BC,Canada , there are lots of
people
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 who are unemployed
due to
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high
Correct article usage
the high
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 rate of competition between
people
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. In conclusion,
people
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 are travelling to foreign
countries
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 nowadays and the two main reasons causing
this
Linking Words
 movement are better
job
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 options and
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
lifestyle
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 .
However
Linking Words
, some drawbacks of
this
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movements
Fix the agreement mistake
movement
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 are that things are hard to afford and high
competion
Correct your spelling
competition
 in the
job
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 market.
Submitted by kmlchahal97 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. For example, more elaboration on how job security, dental coverage, and life insurance benefit individuals could strengthen your first point.
task achievement
Try to provide more in-depth and varied examples to support your points. For instance, you mentioned Canada but adding another example may provide more richness to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
task achievement
You addressed both the reasons people are traveling abroad and the negative impacts, achieving a balanced response to the prompt.
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