IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

IELTS 13 TEST 1 In some areas of the US a ‘curfew’ is Imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In positive regions of the United States,
curfews
Use synonyms
 limit
teens
Use synonyms
 from being outside after a particular time except observed via way of means of an adult. In my opinion, even as
curfews
Use synonyms
 might
also
Linking Words
additionally
Linking Words
 restrict non-public freedom, they`re important for ensuring the
protection
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 and wellness of
teens
Use synonyms
 in modern society. One of the number one motives for enforcing
curfews
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 is the growing situation over
teenagers
Change noun form
teenagers'
teenager's
show examples
protection
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.
Local
Correct article usage
The local
show examples
government
Change noun form
government's
show examples
 purpose
to
Add a missing verb
is to
show examples
 defend younger people from capacity risks via way of means of imposing a curfew, permitting them to keep away from unstable conditions that might cause harm.
For instance
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, research
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 proven that regions with
curfews
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 regularly revel in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lower
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
juvenile crime rates, because the regulations restrict possibilities for antisocial behaviour. By putting boundaries, mother and father and government inspire younger humans to broaden higher time control capabilities and prioritise their commitments, inclusive of schoolwork and extracurricular activities.
However
Linking Words
, it's far critical to
renowned
Correct your spelling
acknowledge
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 the capacity drawbacks of
curfews
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, inclusive of the limit of private freedom and independence. Teenagers might
also
Linking Words
additionally
Linking Words
 experience
stifled
Add a missing verb
being stifled
show examples
 via way of means of those regulations,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 may cause resentment and rebellion.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
mother
Fix the agreement mistake
mothers
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
father
Fix the agreement mistake
fathers
show examples
 and groups need to talk brazenly with
teens
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 approximately the motives at the back of
curfews
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 and contain them in discussions approximately
protection
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. In conclusion, even as
curfews
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 might
also
Linking Words
additionally
Linking Words
 impose positive barriers on
teens
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, I accept as true with their blessings in phrases of
protection
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 and private improvement outweigh the disadvantages. By defending younger people from capacity risks and fostering obligation,
curfews
Use synonyms
 can play an essential function in making sure more secure surroundings for
teens
Use synonyms
 inside the United States.

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language
Work on improving the clarity and variety of vocabulary. Some phrases seem redundant or awkward, such as 'positive regions of the United States' and 'via way of means of.' Opt for simpler phrasing where appropriate.
task achievement
Enhance the development of ideas in each paragraph. For example, provide more concrete examples or explanations to support the claim about fostering responsibility through curfews.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid overuse of certain phrases such as 'might also additionally' and try to use a more diverse range of connectors to improve flow and coherence.
introduction and conclusion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, presenting the argument and summarizing it effectively.
logical structure
The main points are well-organized and generally supported, contributing to a logical structure for the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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