IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, women are allowed to take maternity leave during the first month after the birth of the newborn. Do you think the advantages of maternity leave outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #women #maternity #first #month #birth
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Recently, the law
allow
Wrong verb form
allowed
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 the ladies to take a leave after delivering the
baby
Use synonyms
.
While
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 part of society thinks it is worthwhile
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
others do not support it. In my point of view, giving leave to
women
Use synonyms
 right after giving birth to the
baby
Use synonyms
 has more advantages than disadvantages. I will support my point in the essay below.
First
Add an article
The first
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 and foremost reason is, spending
the
Correct article usage
apply
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quality
time
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 with the
baby
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 and taking
care
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 of the newborn. When the
baby
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 is born, he or she needs
mother's
Correct article usage
the mother's
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 love and
care
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.
That is
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 a crucial
time
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 for both the mother and the little one to spend. If ladies will go back to
work
Use synonyms
 right after giving birth,
then
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 the
baby
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 will not get the attention and the
care
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 that he or she needs.
Also
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,
this
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 can affect the growth of the
baby
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 in
long
Correct article usage
the long
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 term. So, when the
women
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will
Verb problem
apply
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stay away from
work
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, the child's upbringing will be in good hands and their relationship will
nurture
Wrong verb form
be nurtured
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. The other reason is, that
women
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 need
time
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 to heal. As we all are aware, pregnancy is not an easy task. It is a long procedure which consumes a woman's body throughout the nine months. If
women
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will
Verb problem
do
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 not go back to
work
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,
instead
Linking Words
 they will stay at home
then
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 they can recover properly and easily.
While
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 taking
care
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 of the
baby
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, they need to take
care
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 of themselves too.
That is
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 why,
women
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 should prioritize themselves
instead
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 of
work
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. In conclusion, I would say granting leave to
women
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 after giving birth to a child is
a
Change the article
apply
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very thoughtful of the law and workplaces.
This
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 is the
time
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 when a woman builds a bond with the
baby
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 and
introduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
introduces
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 him or her to the world.
Also
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,
this
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 is when they can take
care
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 of themselves.
Hence
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,
this
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 is a good break for both the babies and mothers.
Submitted by kiranbirkaur003 on

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task achievement
Develop your ideas with more specific examples and evidence. This will help to strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure of your essay. Make sure each paragraph flows smoothly from one idea to the next.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to make your writing more interesting and engaging.
coherence cohesion
Review your grammar and punctuation to avoid small errors that can distract the reader from your message.
task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the task, addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of maternity leave.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and well-defined, helping to frame your essay nicely.
task achievement
You have presented clear and comprehensive ideas, which makes your argument easy to understand.
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