IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Few people devote time to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effect this has on the individual and society in general. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Recently lots of
people
Use synonyms
 do not consider hobbies during their day which
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 some causes and effects.
This
Linking Words
 essay brings the main causes that
related
Add a missing verb
are related
show examples
 to
life
Use synonyms
 which become rapid and
technology
Replace the word
technological
show examples
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
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while
Linking Words
 the effects are plain
life
Use synonyms
 and psychological issues. The reasons
imbeded
Correct your spelling
imbedded
embedded
 behind leaving hobbies could vary from
person
Use synonyms
 to
person
Use synonyms
, but mainly considered very similar.
Life
Use synonyms
 become rapid so
Use synonyms
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
considered
Wrong verb form
considers
show examples
 the basic task of his day which is usually
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work,
however
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to have some
liesure
Correct your spelling
leisure
time
Use synonyms
 to consider a hobby but they become
lazy
Rephrase
too lazy
show examples
 to approach doing it.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, what
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 individuals unexcited
do
Fix the infinitive
to do
show examples
 specific is usually the phone.
For example
Linking Words
, Saudi Arabian
neewes
Correct your spelling
news
 reported that the average
time
Use synonyms
 individuals spend during the day is more than 5 hours, so
people
Use synonyms
 scroll
in
Change preposition
on
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Instegram
Correct your spelling
Instagram
 or Tiktok without being aware of the
time
Use synonyms
 they
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
. As there are many causes, the results impacted the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
societies. The populations
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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worldwide
considered
Wrong verb form
consider
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 their
life
Use synonyms
 as plain because all
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they do is
working
Wrong verb form
work
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,
sleeping
Wrong verb form
sleep
show examples
 and the
cyicle
Correct your spelling
cycle
continue
Correct subject-verb agreement
continues
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
before
Change preposition
apply
show examples
years ago our
granparents
Correct your spelling
grandparents
have not
Verb problem
had
show examples
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
technology that
make
Verb problem
allowed
show examples
 them
doing
Change the verb form
to do
show examples
diffrents
Correct your spelling
different
 activities that
makes
Verb problem
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
enjoy
Wrong verb form
enjoyed
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 drawing, swimming and riding
horse
Fix the agreement mistake
horses
show examples
. If there are no facilities similar to the example the individual may have some psychological issues, preventing the
person
Use synonyms
 from living properly. Numerous academic articles pointed
that
Change preposition
out that
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 having an outlet
prevent
Correct subject-verb agreement
prevents
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 serious problems
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 depression. In
cconclusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, It's common nowadays that
people
Use synonyms
 tend
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not
consider
Fix the infinitive
to consider
show examples
 a hobby to do for the reason of having no
time
Use synonyms
 and technology
immensement
Correct your spelling
commencement
while
Linking Words
 that
reflect
Correct subject-verb agreement
reflects
show examples
 them mentally and
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them suffer.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt well, but to improve task achievement, ensure you provide more examples or evidence to support your points. Ensure each point is clearly developed.
coherence cohesion
Focus on structuring your essay better to enhance coherence and cohesion. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next and that your ideas flow logically. Additionally, try to avoid repetitive statements to keep the reader engaged.
task achievement
You have successfully identified and discussed the main causes and effects related to the decline in hobbies, showing a good understanding of the topic.
suitable writing tone
You've managed to maintain a suitable tone and clear language throughout the essay, making your argument easy to follow.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Devote time
  • Hobbies
  • Nowadays
  • Busy
  • Fast-paced
  • Lifestyles
  • Work and career
  • Technology
  • Digital entertainment
  • Limited
  • Free time
  • Lack of motivation
  • Mental wellbeing
  • Physical wellbeing
  • Decreased
  • Social interactions
  • Creativity
  • Self-expression
  • Negative effects
  • Society
What to do next:
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