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Band 6.5

The table below gives information about the employment rates and the average annual salaries of new graduates in an Australian university in 2009. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main points and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below gives information about the employment rates and the average annual salaries of new graduates in an Australian university in 2009. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main points and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #employment #rates #salaries #graduates #australian #university #summaries #points #comparisons
The table illustrates the information regarding with
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
unemployment
 rate and average
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
annual wages of new graduates in an Australian college in 2009.
Overall
, the highest level of
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
 was health.
By contrast
, study about
science
 became the lowest percentage. Revenues
of
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for
show examples
 law, engineering and IT were the largest.
Whereas
,
science
 earned smaller salaries than other areas of study shown. Workers in the medical sectors had 93% of
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
 rates.
Simillar
Correct your spelling
Similar
 proportion happened in law, engineering and IT where
respective
Change the word
respectively
show examples
 87% and 86% of new graduates working in these lands.
In addition
, only 62% of ex-students
in
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on
show examples
 that campus occupied as scientists. business sectors, arts and
science
 accounted for
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
78% and 72% of
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
 rates respectively. Even though
level
Add an article
the level
show examples
 of workers in health was
becoming
Verb problem
apply
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the highest in 2009, but salaries
of
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apply
show examples
this
only
Add a missing verb
were only
show examples
 around $42,000 per year.
This
 was the second smallest
wages
Fix the agreement mistake
wage
show examples
 compared with other areas of study.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 law which had around 5% lower than medical sectors reached the highest in terms of annual incomes. The same trends can be seen in
science
 where both
Correct your spelling
employment
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
 rates and yearly salaries
consistent
Change the word
consistently
show examples
 became lowest than others
Submitted by hikmanurdin04 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words employement, science with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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