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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below gives information about the employment rates and the average annual salaries of new graduates in an Australian university in 2009. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main points and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below gives information about the employment rates and the average annual salaries of new graduates in an Australian university in 2009. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main points and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #employment #rates #salaries #graduates #australian #university #summaries #points #comparisons
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The table illustrates the information regarding with
Use synonyms
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
unemployment
 rate and average
of
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apply
show examples
annual wages of new graduates in an Australian college in 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest level of
Use synonyms
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
 was health.
By contrast
Linking Words
, study about
science
Use synonyms
 became the lowest percentage. Revenues
of
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for
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 law, engineering and IT were the largest.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
science
Use synonyms
 earned smaller salaries than other areas of study shown. Workers in the medical sectors had 93% of
Use synonyms
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
 rates.
Simillar
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Similar
 proportion happened in law, engineering and IT where
respective
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respectively
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 87% and 86% of new graduates working in these lands.
In addition
Linking Words
, only 62% of ex-students
in
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on
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 that campus occupied as scientists. business sectors, arts and
science
Use synonyms
 accounted for
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
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78% and 72% of
Use synonyms
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
 rates respectively. Even though
level
Add an article
the level
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 of workers in health was
becoming
Verb problem
apply
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the highest in 2009, but salaries
of
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apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
only
Add a missing verb
were only
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 around $42,000 per year.
This
Linking Words
 was the second smallest
wages
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wage
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 compared with other areas of study.
While
Linking Words
,
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apply
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 law which had around 5% lower than medical sectors reached the highest in terms of annual incomes. The same trends can be seen in
science
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 where both
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
employment
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
 rates and yearly salaries
consistent
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consistently
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 became lowest than others
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Vocabulary: Replace the words employement, science with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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