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Band 3.5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation,such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money.others argue that ıt ıs better to try and improve such situations

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #ıt #ıs #situations
In
this
 day and age, a large part has f society struggling
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their life
due to
Change preposition
because
show examples
 they believe that it is right to comply a bad situations, like
a low prestige jobs
Correct the article-noun agreement
a low prestige job
low prestige jobs
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 or lack of money.
Rest
Correct article usage
The rest
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 of the society
against
Add a missing verb
is against
show examples
 that
believe
Replace the word
belief
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 and they support to
advance
Replace the word
advancement
show examples
 sort of these conditions. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 we are going to discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
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both
these
Change preposition
of these
show examples
believes
Replace the word
beliefs
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. In the first place, those who advocate for acceptance believe that it can help reduce stress and anxiety levels.
Acceptence
Correct your spelling
Acceptance
 of a situation that cannot be changed can help individuals focus on the things they can control and allow them to live in the present.
For instance
, a person with a
low paying
Add a hyphen
low-paying
show examples
 job may choose to accept the situation and focus on building their skills and knowledge for future career opportunities.
On the other hand
,more people tend to alter their current position
ınto
Correct your spelling
to
succesful
Correct your spelling
successful
 life.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 they want to encourage themselves to be in a great future
..
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.
...
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For example
, many
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
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man has
Wrong verb form
have
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a
Change the word
their
show examples
 own
story
Fix the agreement mistake
stories
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 about their success
moreover
 they struggled to become
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 positions.these stories inspired me all the time
due to
 l
am
Unnecessary verb
apply
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strongly believe that everybody can reach success if they don't give up and try their best.
To sum up
, there are people who cannot
adress
Correct your spelling
address
 in difficult days and comply
their
Change preposition
with their
show examples
 fate.
However
, we need to stay positive and try to make an impact on quality time.
Submitted by temelmelisa9 on

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Task Response
Ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your position. The current introduction lacks clarity and has grammatical errors.
Coherence & Cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
Task Response
Provide specific reasons and examples to support your points. Your essay includes broad statements without detailed evidence.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your conclusion should summarize the main points clearly and restate your position. Try to make it more impactful and concise.
Coherence & Cohesion
Address grammatical errors and awkward phrasings throughout the essay. This will improve clarity and readability.
Task Response
You have addressed both perspectives on the topic, which shows a comprehensive understanding.
Coherence & Cohesion
You aim to conclude the essay by summarizing the key points, which is good practice.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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