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ome argue that music mainly serves as a way for individuals to reduce their stress and anxiety. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#ome #music #individuals #stress #anxiety
Music
 has a really big impact on many people's lives, it has become a hobby and
also
 part of their lifestyle. It is often played in so many places that we visit, like in a supermarket so the customers can enjoy their shopping. A lot of different genres in
music
 make
music
 more relatable and you can choose what kind of
music
 you want to hear. By that,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 totally agree that
music
 can reduce
stress
 and anxiety. There are several benefits that you can get from
litening
Correct your spelling
listening
 to
musics
Change the wording
music
kinds of music
pieces of music
show examples
.
First,
music
 influences many people in many aspects of their lives,
example
Change preposition
for example
show examples
 when you are really
stress
Wrong verb form
stressed
show examples
 and can not sleep , and you choose to listen to a
relax
Change the verb form
relaxing
show examples
 song or maybe an instrumental. It makes you much
Correct quantifier usage
more relax
show examples
relax
Wrong verb form
relaxed
show examples
 and gives you
peace
Correct article usage
the peace
show examples
 that you want.
The relaxation
Correct article usage
Relaxation
show examples
music
 brings a lot of good impacts other than just that, It can
brings
Change the verb form
bring
show examples
a positive impacts
Correct the article-noun agreement
a positive impact
positive impacts
show examples
 to your body and mind,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can reduce your
stress
 and
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
 you less tired. The second is
music
also
 can take off all your burdens,
cause
Correct word choice
because
show examples
 listening to
music
 brings you more joy and makes you happier. The
music
 that you listen to can boost your mood and make you a lot fresher.
For example
 when you are working on something and you get bored, and you turn on the
music
 the feelings of course will be totally different, your work will be much more enjoyable
cause
Correct word choice
because
show examples
 the
music
 accompanies and entertains you throughout the time. By listening to
music
 you can
also
 reduce your anxiety, your mind will get distracted by all of the burdens that you have. So in conclusion, listening to
musics
Change the wording
music
kinds of music
pieces of music
show examples
 is not only to
entertains
Wrong verb form
entertain
show examples
 but it can
also
 reduce
stress
 and anxiety, and
also
 makes you happier.
Submitted by frendyardiansyah31 on

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task response
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and addresses the question directly, offering a clear standpoint on how music serves to reduce stress and anxiety.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with clear progression from introduction to conclusion. The concluding paragraph effectively summarizes the main points discussed.
task response
The examples provided, such as how relaxation music can help with stress and how music can make work more enjoyable, are relevant and support the points well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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