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Band 4.5

Many cities are now turning parks and farmland into new housing developments. Is this a positive or negative development?

#cities #parks #farmland #developments #development
Today is known as the era of urbanisation. From
this
 aspect, questions about whether converting
parks
 and farmland into new housing areas is a positive or negative development are raised. In my opinion,
this
 development is desirable. Evidently, the economic state of cities can be vitalised.
This
 is because, with the
newely
Correct your spelling
newly
 established houses, more and more residents are able to dwell in urban areas where major infrastructures are centred.
This
 obviously results in the increase of employers, and
this
 in turn leads individuals to contribute to the enhanced productivity of a city. What is more, dwellers are benefited from highly efficient medical care. In actual fact, studies undertaken by experts have revealed that over half
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
show examples
 of cutting-edge medical technologies are displayed in major cities. So people would be able to take fast-paced services of
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
show examples
 including doctor's advice and treatments.
Nevertheless
, the positive aspects of
parks
 and farmland cannot be overlooked.
In other words
, since
parks
 and farmland alleviate the air pollution caused by numerous vehicles and factories, those settling in the city may be freed from respiratory diseases. To recapitulate,
although
 transforming farmlands and
parks
 into residential zones could be the factor of air pollution, the economy of cities can be vitalised, and city people would gain benefits from enhanced medical care.
Thus
,
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of new housing areas is positive.
Submitted by leeante3020 on

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task achievement
Make sure to use precise language to increase the clarity of your points. For instance, instead of saying 'cutting-edge medical technologies,' provide specific examples of such technologies.
coherence cohesion
While your essay generally maintains a logical flow, there are areas where transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, connecting the economic benefits directly to overall well-being can enhance coherence.
task achievement
Your essay clearly addresses the prompt and presents a clear position on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively framed, clearly presenting your stance and summarizing your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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