IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is commonly said that today’s children are facing huge challenges. This essay indent to discuss the causes of these pressures and give some suggestions to solve them.

#today’s #children #challenges #indent #pressures #suggestions
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Some people believe that our
children
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 today are facing enormous
challenges
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. So, they feel pressure because of that.
Also
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, our
children
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 need care
in
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at
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this
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 time more than ever. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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challenges
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 and what to do about
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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.
First,
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today's
children
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 are facing a lot of
challenges
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 and one of these is studying,
children
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 can not
fouces
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spend
 more than 15 minutes
on
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apply
show examples
studying or reading a book because of the addiction,
every
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and every
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 day it becomes
more
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apply
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harder than ever because of
the
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apply
show examples
social media, today's
children
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 are nearly addicted to the internet and can not get out of it, it is like vortex but there are many
solution
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solutions
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 to
this
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 problem.
For example
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, trying to increase awareness
to
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among
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 families about
this
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 issue and try to solve it very soon,
also
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, try to tell them it is bad for their
mind
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minds
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.
Furthermore
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, we need to care about our
children
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 and give them more attention and try to help them with their goals because if we do not do that maybe they will not achieve their goals and continue in life.
In addition
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, the family of
children
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 need to check on their
children
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 every day and try to control their pressure. In conclusion, In my point of view, I think that our
children
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 need more care than ever because of all these
challenges
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. So, with all the
solution
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solutions
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 I gave in
this
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 essay if we do it correctly I think we can control the pressure and let them live
eaiser
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easier
 than before.
Submitted by bcynfn159 on

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introduction and conclusion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which is good. However, the introduction could be more engaging to capture the reader's interest, and the conclusion could summarize the main points more strongly.
logical structure
The logical structure of your essay needs improvement. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your ideas flow logically from one to the next. Using more transition words can help with this.
supported main points
Your main points need to be more clearly supported with relevant and specific examples. Instead of general statements, provide concrete examples that directly relate to your points.
clear comprehensive ideas
There are several grammatical errors and issues with sentence structure that detract from the clarity of your ideas. Proofreading your work and possibly getting feedback from others could help catch these issues.
complete response
You address the task with a complete response and cover the main points expected in the essay.
task relevance
The topic of challenges faced by children today is well-chosen and relevant, making your essay engaging for the reader.
supported main points
You show an awareness of the need to care for children and the impact of social media, which are important points related to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic pressure
  • holistic education
  • mental and emotional well-being
  • media literacy
  • peer pressure
  • self-esteem
  • screen time
  • urban living conditions
  • technological advancement
  • information overload
  • stress and anxiety
  • economic disparities
  • educational resources
  • equal opportunities
What to do next:
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