IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

All parents want the best opportunity for their children. There are some people who think schools should teach children skills but others think having a huge range of subjects is better for a child's future. Discuss both sides and give your opinion?

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School is a place after home where kids spend most of their time. Some individuals assert that it is
Correct article usage
the repsonsibilty

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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repsonsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility

If you don’t want repsonsibilty to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

of educational institutes to teach skills
whereas
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 others
found
Wrong verb form
find

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb found. Consider changing it.

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the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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theoretical
knowledge
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 more crucial.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 essay will discuss both views in the impending paragraphs followed by my opinion in the end.
To begin
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 with, schools should be responsible for teaching valuable life skills rather than just focussing on
school
Add an article
the school

The noun phrase school curriculum seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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 curriculum. They should work on creating more practical lessons
instead
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 of making students bookworm.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, science projects should be made more interesting by converting them to working models
instead
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 of asking youngsters to memorise
it
Correct pronoun usage
them

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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. As per
survey
Add an article
a survey
the survey

The noun phrase survey seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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 conducted in 2004 human brain retains 90% of visual data as compared to 30% of memorised data.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the importance of studying
variety
Add an article
a variety

The noun phrase variety seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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 of subjects can not be overlooked as it
provide
Change the verb form
provides

It appears that the subject pronoun it and the verb provide are not in agreement. Consider changing the verb.

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 minors with the opportunity to choose the course for higher education. If schools
does
Change the verb form
do

The singular verb does does not appear to agree with the plural subject schools. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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 not teach various subjects to juveniles,
then
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 they
fails
Change the verb form
fail

It appears that the subject pronoun they and the verb fails are not in agreement. Consider changing the verb.

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 to understand the course which intrigues them or about which they want to study in more detail. In order to survive in today's competitive world, guardians putting pressure on their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring

It seems that offsprings may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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 to study is not completely wrong as they just want
best
Correct article usage
the best

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 for their little ones. Personally, I feel like both are equally crucial for the proper development of
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students

It seems that student may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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 because both aspects of education are co-related and it is very hard to separate them from each other.
As a
Correct word choice
A

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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 person needs to have proper
knowledge
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 of theory
as well as
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 practical in order to have a
successfull
Correct your spelling
successful

If you don’t want successfull to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

career in the future.
To conclude
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 practical
knowledge
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 is very vital for the growth of
person
Correct article usage
a person

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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but
Remove the conjunction
apply

It appears that the word but is unnecessary in this sentence. Consider removing it.

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the importance of theoretical
knowledge
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 can not be overlooked.

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coherence cohesion
While your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, improving the logical flow between some paragraphs would enhance coherence. For instance, ensure smooth transitions between arguing for practical lessons and theoretical knowledge.
task achievement
Some of your main points could be slightly more detailed or further supported. For example, the importance and outcomes of having a range of subjects could use more examples or evidence.
task achievement
Your main points are well articulated and address both sides of the argument effectively, providing a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, clearly presenting the topic and summarising your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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