All parents want the best opportunity for their children. There are some people who think schools should teach children skills but others think having a huge range of subjects is better for a child's future. Discuss both sides and give your opinion?

#parents #opportunity #children #people #schools #skills #range #subjects #child #future

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School is a place after home where kids spend most of their time. Some individuals assert that it is

Correct article usage

the repsonsibilty

show examples

repsonsibilty

Correct your spelling

responsibility

of educational institutes to teach skills

whereas

Linking Words

others

found

Wrong verb form

find

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

theoretical

knowledge

Use synonyms

more crucial.

This

Linking Words

essay will discuss both views in the impending paragraphs followed by my opinion in the end.

To begin

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with, schools should be responsible for teaching valuable life skills rather than just focussing on

school

Add an article

the school

show examples

curriculum. They should work on creating more practical lessons

instead

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of making students bookworm.

For instance

Linking Words

, science projects should be made more interesting by converting them to working models

instead

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of asking youngsters to memorise

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

. As per

survey

Add an article

a survey

the survey

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conducted in 2004 human brain retains 90% of visual data as compared to 30% of memorised data.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, the importance of studying

variety

Add an article

a variety

show examples

of subjects can not be overlooked as it

provide

Change the verb form

provides

show examples

minors with the opportunity to choose the course for higher education. If schools

does

Change the verb form

show examples

not teach various subjects to juveniles,

then

Linking Words

they

fails

Change the verb form

fail

show examples

to understand the course which intrigues them or about which they want to study in more detail. In order to survive in today's competitive world, guardians putting pressure on their

offsprings

Fix the agreement mistake

offspring

show examples

to study is not completely wrong as they just want

best

Correct article usage

the best

show examples

for their little ones. Personally, I feel like both are equally crucial for the proper development of

student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

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because both aspects of education are co-related and it is very hard to separate them from each other.

As a

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show examples

person needs to have proper

knowledge

Use synonyms

of theory

as well as

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practical in order to have a

successfull

Correct your spelling

successful

career in the future.

To conclude

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although

Linking Words

practical

knowledge

Use synonyms

is very vital for the growth of

person

Correct article usage

a person

show examples

but

Remove the conjunction

apply

show examples

the importance of theoretical

knowledge

Use synonyms

can not be overlooked.

Submitted by kaur75971 on Fri Sep 06 2024

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coherence cohesion

While your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, improving the logical flow between some paragraphs would enhance coherence. For instance, ensure smooth transitions between arguing for practical lessons and theoretical knowledge.

task achievement

Some of your main points could be slightly more detailed or further supported. For example, the importance and outcomes of having a range of subjects could use more examples or evidence.

task achievement

Your main points are well articulated and address both sides of the argument effectively, providing a balanced discussion.

coherence cohesion

Your essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, clearly presenting the topic and summarising your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

291 words

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