IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

All parents want the best opportunity for their children. There are some people who think schools should teach children skills but others think having a huge range of subjects is better for a child's future. Discuss both sides and give your opinion?

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School is a place after home where kids spend most of their time. Some individuals assert that it is
Correct article usage
the repsonsibilty
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repsonsibilty
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responsibility
 of educational institutes to teach skills
whereas
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 others
found
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find
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the
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apply
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theoretical
knowledge
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 more crucial.
This
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 essay will discuss both views in the impending paragraphs followed by my opinion in the end.
To begin
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 with, schools should be responsible for teaching valuable life skills rather than just focussing on
school
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the school
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 curriculum. They should work on creating more practical lessons
instead
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 of making students bookworm.
For instance
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, science projects should be made more interesting by converting them to working models
instead
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 of asking youngsters to memorise
it
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them
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. As per
survey
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a survey
the survey
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 conducted in 2004 human brain retains 90% of visual data as compared to 30% of memorised data.
On the other hand
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, the importance of studying
variety
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a variety
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 of subjects can not be overlooked as it
provide
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provides
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 minors with the opportunity to choose the course for higher education. If schools
does
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do
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 not teach various subjects to juveniles,
then
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 they
fails
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fail
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 to understand the course which intrigues them or about which they want to study in more detail. In order to survive in today's competitive world, guardians putting pressure on their
offsprings
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offspring
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 to study is not completely wrong as they just want
best
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the best
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 for their little ones. Personally, I feel like both are equally crucial for the proper development of
student
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students
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 because both aspects of education are co-related and it is very hard to separate them from each other.
As a
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A
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 person needs to have proper
knowledge
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 of theory
as well as
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 practical in order to have a
successfull
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successful
 career in the future.
To conclude
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,
although
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 practical
knowledge
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 is very vital for the growth of
person
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a person
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but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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the importance of theoretical
knowledge
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 can not be overlooked.

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coherence cohesion
While your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, improving the logical flow between some paragraphs would enhance coherence. For instance, ensure smooth transitions between arguing for practical lessons and theoretical knowledge.
task achievement
Some of your main points could be slightly more detailed or further supported. For example, the importance and outcomes of having a range of subjects could use more examples or evidence.
task achievement
Your main points are well articulated and address both sides of the argument effectively, providing a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, clearly presenting the topic and summarising your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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