Some people believe that governments should spend the money from taxes on healthcare services, while others think that this budget should be invested in other fields. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion
There is a heated discussion over the
government
expenditure on healthcare
. Some believe that healthcare
is one of the dominate
subjects in people’s Replace the word
dominant
life
, Fix the agreement mistake
lives
while
others believe there are more important fields that require government
subsidy. This
essay claims that government
should focus on the citizens’ lives and allocate adequate finance to safeguard their health.
The Correct article usage
the government
proactors
argue that the Correct your spelling
protectors
prosecutors
government
should place a high priority on public medical services because the senior generations have gradually turned into the largest proportion in
the population, which indicates the burden on medical services has surged unsubconsciously. A large increasing number of residents are facing severe difficulty in medical care. A socialist from Peking University published a statistical analysis revealing the relationship between the elderly generations and Change preposition
of
healthcare
services, which showed that every 5 thousand elderly inhabitants requires
one full-equipment hospital, Change the verb form
require
otherwise
, there is a large possibility that medical hospital
will Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
short
for the public need. Add a missing verb
be short
However
, there are countless cities fall
behind Correct pronoun usage
that fall
this
standard and resistends
usually spend half of their days waiting in the Emergency room Correct your spelling
resist and
for seeing
a doctor. Change preposition
to see
Therefore
, it is hightime
for the Correct your spelling
high time
government
to expand their spendings
on medical care Fix the agreement mistake
spending
on
increasing the medical staff or building more medical facilities.
At the same, the anti-proactors argue that there are Change preposition
by
more
other urgent fields in shortage of Correct quantifier usage
apply
fund
, Fix the agreement mistake
funds
such
as education. There has been a large number of children whose family cannot take their financial schooling burden and choose to work before entering high school. This
phenomenon further
exacebates
Correct your spelling
exacerbates
exacerbated
the
Correct article usage
apply
juvinile
delinquency that Correct your spelling
juvenile
harm
the community and disturbs the normal life for those law-abiding citizens. A report from the New York Times stated that the number of Change the verb form
harms
juvinile
offenders has doubled in the past two years, which suggests that the Correct your spelling
juvenile
government
should place a high priority on crime.
In conclusion, this
essay believes that government
should subsidize Correct article usage
the government
on
Change preposition
apply
healthcare
because it is indispendable
for citizens and it is the Correct your spelling
indispensable
government
Change noun form
government's
duties
to safeguard their health and lives.Fix the agreement mistake
duty
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task achievement
While your response addresses both views and provides relevant examples, there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrasings that affect clarity. Ensure your examples are well-integrated into your arguments and clearly support your points.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the logical flow of your arguments by using clear and appropriate connectors. While the essay follows a logical structure, some sentences are overly complex and convoluted. Simplify your sentence structure for clarity.
general
Revise and edit your work to avoid minor grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasing. Consistently maintaining clarity and correctness will enhance your overall response.
task achievement
You have presented a balanced discussion of both views and concluded with your opinion, which is essential for task completion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a framework that helps readers follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are generally well-supported with external references and examples, which strengthens your argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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