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Band 4

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #situations
These days several individuals think that it is ordinary to receive the worst circumstances,
for instance
 crisis of financial or work .
However
, others consider
this
 view which is to attempt and make it better.
This
 essay will debate both of these situations
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
also
 give my possess opinion. The first point is nowadays many
people
 are working
unsatisfactory
Change the adjective
unsatisfactorily
show examples
 which is why the reasons they do not like their own
jobs
, but they do not want to fight for themselves, which means looking for new
jobs
 and living better in the future than now.
For example
, some companies work a long time with their employee and pay less payment, which is unfair in society, but
people
 who do not
complaints
Replace the word
complain
show examples
, will afraid
lose
Fix the infinitive
to lose
show examples
 their
jobs
.
As a result
, they will accept unquality work and lack of money.
On the other hand
, other positive individuals never receive those circumstances, because they always look for
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
new opportunities for the better in life.
Also
, these
people
 who have already known their own aim and inner power.
Consequently
, they can be successful in their own life, which few
people
 usually do to get
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher positions
jobs
. In conclusion, many individuals can change their lives, because it is up to them to choose. In my opinion, If you just experience that bad situation, you will not be satisfied in your entire life.
However
, in the world, who can
hardworking
Add a missing verb
be hardworking
show examples
 and take risks that person would win.
Submitted by a80906789 on

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction. It will make your essay more compelling and easier to follow.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. This helps in making your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Focus on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Transitional phrases can help to connect your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
You have addressed both views of the topic, which is good for a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, providing a clear structure.
task achievement
You have made good attempts at some complex sentences, which adds variety to your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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