Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience
Some
people
argue that the goverment
should focus more on Correct your spelling
government
eradicate
Change the verb form
eradicating
the
environmental pollution and housing issues in order to prevent Correct article usage
apply
illness
and disease. I agree with this
noble idea , since if these measurments
Correct your spelling
measurements
measures
implemented
it Add a missing verb
are implemented
has
Verb problem
will
brought
huge benefits to Wrong verb form
bring
the
society Correct article usage
apply
as well as
individuals.
One of the major reason
for the health issue is Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
a
Correct article usage
apply
enviormental
pollution, since it causes various consequences in the human body. To be more precise,Correct your spelling
environmental
Correct article usage
the
Envirornment
can be contaminated by many particals , when that Correct your spelling
environment
are going
into the respiratory system of the human body Wrong verb form
goes
that
will Correct pronoun usage
it
effect
the whole system Correct your spelling
affect
gradually
Correct word choice
and gradually
leads
to Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
the
Correct article usage
apply
lungs
failure and Fix the agreement mistake
lung
illness
. In oreder
to prevent all these problems the Correct your spelling
order
government
should take some legal actions
. Fix the agreement mistake
action
Firtsly
, the Correct your spelling
Firstly
government
implementing law
against Fix the agreement mistake
laws
the
companies which expose Correct article usage
apply
the
harmful particles. Correct article usage
apply
In addition
have to take
fines those who Verb problem
apply
doing
harmful activities for Wrong verb form
do
people
.
The other significant factor is housing
crisis, when Add an article
a housing
the housing
people
do not have the
enough houses Remove the article
apply
for living
Change preposition
to live
, which
Change preposition
in, which
causing
various health issues and Change the form of the verb
causes
get
more probability to affected by diseases . To be more precise, when scarcity of houses Verb problem
apply
occur
Correct subject-verb agreement
occurs
consequently
people
intend to live more people
in the same house where they do not have the space so diseas
Correct your spelling
diseases
likely
to be spread easily. Add a missing verb
are likely
For instance
, research shows tha
in the Correct your spelling
that
corona
pandemic period large number of Correct your spelling
coronavirus
death
is accounted Fix the agreement mistake
deaths
in
Change preposition
for in
china
as Capitalize word
China
population
it have very tensed population. Correct article usage
a population
Thus
, the goverment
should Correct your spelling
government
concern
about Wrong verb form
be concerned
this
probelm
. If the Correct your spelling
problem
government
implemented urban planning and buid
Correct your spelling
built
high rise
buildings that Add a hyphen
high-rise
can
be useful to stop Wrong verb form
could
to
the spreading Change preposition
apply
illness
among Change preposition
of illness
people
.
To conclude
, i
agree that if the Change the capitalization
I
government
doing
some action against Wrong verb form
does
the
Correct article usage
apply
envirionmental
pollution andCorrect your spelling
environmental
enhancing
available housing facilities , that Wrong verb form
enhances
helps
to prevent Wrong verb form
would help
human
from Fix the agreement mistake
humans
illness
and harmful disease
. Unless Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
government
Correct article usage
the government
not
concern Add a missing verb
is not
that
, human life will be Change preposition
about that
in
Change preposition
apply
endengerded
.Correct your spelling
endangered
Submitted by jivenica1998 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
To improve Coherence and Cohesion, try to refine the logical structure of your paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph has one clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea and that the supporting details and examples follow logically from this topic. Consider using transitional phrases to make the connections between sentences and ideas clearer.
task achievement
For Task Response, ensure that all points made are relevant and well-supported. While you have included relevant examples, they could be more specific and detailed. Providing more detailed examples and elaborating on your points can help in achieving higher marks.
grammar vocabulary
When working on Language and Grammar, try to minimize small errors in spelling, punctuation, and grammar. Proofreading your essay can help in catching these mistakes. More complex sentence structures and a wider range of vocabulary can also contribute positively to your score.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to support your points, which demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion of your essay are clearly present and provide a good frame to your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.