IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart show percentages of water used in Sydney, Australia in 1997 and 2007.

The chart show percentages of water used in Sydney, Australia in 1997 and 2007.
#show #percentages #water #sydney #australia
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The pie chart shows percentages of
water
Use synonyms
 utilised in different ways in Sydney and Australia between 1997 and 2007.  
Overall
Linking Words
, on both sides, the food
industry
Use synonyms
 required more
water
Use synonyms
 than other sectors, and less
water
Use synonyms
 was used in the building
industry
Use synonyms
.   Percentage of total
water
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 in 1997: in the food
industry
Use synonyms
, 48% of
water
Use synonyms
 is used and 19% of
water
Use synonyms
 is used for households. Manufacturing and service industries are similar to each other; they are 15% and 12%. Less
water
Use synonyms
 is used in the building
industry
Use synonyms
. It was 5% in 1997.   Turning to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
water
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 in 2007, people made
use
Use synonyms
 of more
water
Use synonyms
 in the food
industry
Use synonyms
; it is 41%. For the service
industry
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, they used 25%,
as well as
Linking Words
 for household
use
Use synonyms
, which is 21%. 11% of
water
Use synonyms
 is utilised for manufacturing, and the
less
Replace the word
least
show examples
 one is the building
industry
Use synonyms
, with 2% of
water
Use synonyms
 used for it.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, industry, use with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentages" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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