IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities around thw world are now one big traffic jam. How true do you thing this statement is? What measures can governments takes to disocurage people from using their cars?

#car #ownership #thirty #years #cities #thw #world #traffic #jam #measures #governments #disocurage #people #cars
Nowadays the
tenance
Correct your spelling
tenancy
 of a car is more common than
never
Correct your spelling
ever
show examples
,
this
 increase has
happend
Correct your spelling
happened
 so
quick
Change the word
quickly
show examples
 in the
last
 thirty years, that now many cities around the world are overfilled with traffic. As I see it,
this
 affirmation is veridical. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 we will discuss how
this
problem
 affects society and what measures can the powers that be take to discourage people from using their cars.
Firstly
,
this
problem
 can affect almost everybody, by making the streets less safe, not only for the juveniles, but
also
,
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the oldest people.
This
 is
due to
 the factor that many
cityes
Correct your spelling
cities
 do not have the
propper
Correct your spelling
proper
show examples
 structure to use
another
Replace the adjective
another option
other options
show examples
options
 of transport.
For example
, in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
, a huge part of the roads do not have
Add an article
a sidewalk
show examples
sidewalk
Fix the agreement mistake
sidewalks
show examples
,
this
causes
Verb problem
means
show examples
 that when someone
wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
show examples
 to use their
bicicles
Correct your spelling
bicycles
 or ever go walking to any place,
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 are not able to do it, because of the poor infrastructure.
Secondly
,
this
problem
 can be solved by the
goberment
Correct your spelling
government
 by using more money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 needed
infrastructures
Fix the agreement mistake
infrastructure
show examples
.
This
 is
due to
 the factor that
now a days
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
, a lot of money goes to the maintenance of the roads,
instead
 of using part of it to ensure an easier way to commute.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 the
goberments
Correct your spelling
government
governments
 can take
measurements
Replace the word
measures
show examples
 to
aboid
Correct your spelling
avoid
this
problem
 and convince people to use
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 transport
options
instead
 of going
everywere
Correct your spelling
everywhere
 by car, like create more greener
options
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 sidewalks for pedestrians or even a bike lane for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cyclists.
To conclude
, car
tenance
Correct your spelling
tenancy
finance
 can be a
problem
is
Correct your spelling
if
show examples
 the society does not provide the citizens with more
options
.
Submitted by pabloenriquevicente on

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task response
Your essay does a good job of addressing the prompt and offers a complete response. However, it would benefit from including more specific and varied examples to illustrate your points.
coherence and cohesion
You exhibit a generally clear and logical structure in your essay, and there is a distinct introduction and conclusion. To improve, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly and logically to the next.
general
Make sure to check for spelling errors and grammatical inaccuracies, such as 'goberment' instead of 'government' and 'propper' instead of 'proper'. These minor errors can detract from the readability of your essay.
task response
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic and outlines the essay's structure, which makes it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
task response
You have addressed both parts of the question, discussing the impact of increased car ownership and suggesting measures to discourage car use.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion does a good job of summarizing your main points and restating your position, offering a clear end to your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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