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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think the only purpose of prison is to punish crime. Others think it has other functions. Discuss the two views and give your opinion.

#people #purpose #prison #crime #functions #two
Some people believe that
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
 rate will be diminished by sending
criminals
 to
prison
while
 others say that there are other functions to reduce
this
.
This
 essay discusses both viewpoints and I strongly agree with the former opinion for the following reasons. On the one hand, sending
law
breaker
Fix the agreement mistake
breakers
show examples
 to jail
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can reduce
crime
 rates in society because
prison
 is the best place
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
rehabilitation
Add an article
a rehabilitation
the rehabilitation
show examples
 centre for
criminals
 to regret their mistakes.
This
 is the best way to punish the culprits,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
behind
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bars, and
as a result
, others will not do any misleading actions.
For example
, Gulb countries have strict punishment who
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 criminal activities
that's
Correct your spelling
that is
show examples
 why their
crime
 rates are
lowerd
Correct your spelling
lower
lowered
 than
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
 parts of the world. To be more precise, putting into
prison
 for
law breaker
Correct your spelling
lawbreaker
show examples
 that brings more peacefulness in society.
On the other hand
, there are other ways to punish
criminals
 except sending jail.
First,
culprits have to do some social activities
it depends
Wrong verb form
depending
show examples
 on their
crime
 rates in order
to
Change preposition
for to
show examples
criminals
might be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
regret their
sin
Fix the agreement mistake
sins
show examples
.
For instance
, many
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
 nations follow
fine
Correct article usage
a fine
show examples
 system for minor mistakes
instead
 of
putting
Verb problem
being
show examples
prison
.
Hence
,
law breakers
Correct your spelling
lawbreakers
show examples
also
 have lives to live outside of the world like others. In conclusion,
although
 jails can reduce
crime
 amounts in society, fine system and social activities are the other
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 to reduce crimes.
However
, in my opinion,
prison
 is the best way to punish
law
breaker
Fix the agreement mistake
breakers
show examples
.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay, try to improve the logical flow between paragraphs and ideas. Make sure that each paragraph naturally leads to the next, using proper transition words and phrases.
task achievement
For a more comprehensive and clear response to the task, ensure that each main point is thoroughly explained and supported with relevant evidence or examples. Expand on your ideas to provide a deeper analysis.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes an introduction and conclusion, making it structurally sound.
task achievement
The response addresses both viewpoints as required by the prompt, providing a balanced discussion.
task achievement
Your main points are relevant to the task and you provide some specific examples to support them.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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