Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
The
environment
is created by so many life chains inside it. They create symbiosis
between them. Add an article
a symbiosis
Therefore
, it is very sensitive if one of it was disrupted. Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants
and animals
. Others say that there is more
important environmental problem.
First of all, extinctions of some Add an article
a more
plants
and animals
can shake the environment
itself; since there will be overpopulation on
some living things because there is no predator to reduce their number. On the other side, environmental problems can be caused by human activity; Change preposition
of
hence
, humanity take over almost all of the population in the world. In my opinion, people should be aware of their actions, because we can change the environment
itself with only our bad behaviour such
as wild deforestation. It will remove all animals
and plants
inside it.
To begin
with, extinction itself can cause some predators to fight with each other for a
territory. One Remove the article
apply
of
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
examples
, when Fix the agreement mistake
example
deer
populationAdd an article
the deer
is drop
which is the food source for tigers, Verb problem
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
will look
into another territory for food, Wrong verb form
looks
then
they will kill each other for it. The area will become Correct word choice
and then
wasteland
without Correct article usage
a wasteland
live
sign. Yet, Add an article
a live
the live
this
situation can be created by human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
with
Change preposition
in
simpler
way. They can hunt all deer in the area for fun Correct article usage
a simpler
then
they can also
hunt the tiger as well. In one day that area will become a wasteland instantly.
In conclusion, whilst loss
of particular species of Correct article usage
the loss
plants
and animals
can destroy environment
, yet, it is triggered by external factors too Add an article
the environment
such
as people
behaviours Change noun form
people's
to
it; Change preposition
toward
hence
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
is
the biggest population in the world with so much powerCorrect subject-verb agreement
are
too
.Rephrase
apply
Submitted by riani.the2 on
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task achievement
To improve, try to develop your ideas and arguments further. Some points in your essay are not fully elaborated. Make sure that your examples are detailed and directly support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on introducing the essay topic more clearly and outlining the two main perspectives. This will help set the tone for the rest of your essay. Also, your conclusion can summarize the key points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a consistent flow of ideas throughout your essay. Each paragraph should be connected smoothly. Some sentences are abrupt and might confuse the reader. Use transition words like 'therefore,' 'moreover,' and 'however' to link your ideas more coherently.
task achievement
Your essay covers both perspectives on the topic, which fulfills the requirement of the task. You have demonstrated a good understanding of the issue and provided a personal opinion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction reasonably sets the stage for discussing the main points, and the conclusion attempts to summarize the essay's content.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?