IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #time #loss #species #plants #animals
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The
environment
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 is created by so many life chains inside it. They create
symbiosis
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a symbiosis
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 between them.
Therefore
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, it is very sensitive if one of it was disrupted. Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of
plants
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 and
animals
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. Others say that there is
more
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a more
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 important environmental problem. First of all, extinctions of some
plants
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 and
animals
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 can shake the
environment
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 itself; since there will be overpopulation
on
Change preposition
of
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 some living things because there is no predator to reduce their number. On the other side, environmental problems can be caused by human activity;
hence
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, humanity take over almost all of the population in the world. In my opinion, people should be aware of their actions, because we can change the
environment
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 itself with only our bad behaviour
such
Linking Words
 as wild deforestation. It will remove all
animals
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 and
plants
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 inside it.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, extinction itself can cause some predators to fight with each other for
a
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apply
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territory. One
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
examples
Fix the agreement mistake
example
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, when
deer
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the deer
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 population
is drop
Verb problem
,
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 which is the food source for tigers,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will look
Wrong verb form
looks
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 into another territory for food,
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then
Correct word choice
and then
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 they will kill each other for it. The area will become
wasteland
Correct article usage
a wasteland
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 without
live
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a live
the live
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 sign. Yet,
this
Linking Words
 situation can be created by
human
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humans
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with
Change preposition
in
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simpler
Correct article usage
a simpler
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 way. They can hunt all deer in the area for fun
then
Linking Words
 they can
also
Linking Words
 hunt the tiger as well. In one day that area will become a wasteland instantly. In conclusion, whilst
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
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 of particular species of
plants
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 and
animals
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 can destroy
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environment
Add an article
the environment
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, yet, it is triggered by external factors too
such
Linking Words
 as
people
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people's
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 behaviours
to
Change preposition
toward
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 it;
hence
Linking Words
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 the biggest population in the world with so much power
too
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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task achievement
To improve, try to develop your ideas and arguments further. Some points in your essay are not fully elaborated. Make sure that your examples are detailed and directly support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on introducing the essay topic more clearly and outlining the two main perspectives. This will help set the tone for the rest of your essay. Also, your conclusion can summarize the key points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a consistent flow of ideas throughout your essay. Each paragraph should be connected smoothly. Some sentences are abrupt and might confuse the reader. Use transition words like 'therefore,' 'moreover,' and 'however' to link your ideas more coherently.
task achievement
Your essay covers both perspectives on the topic, which fulfills the requirement of the task. You have demonstrated a good understanding of the issue and provided a personal opinion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction reasonably sets the stage for discussing the main points, and the conclusion attempts to summarize the essay's content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
What to do next:
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