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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, anomake comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, anomake comparisons where relevant.
#shops #country #summarise #information #features #anomake #comparisons
The line graphs
illuestrate
Correct your spelling
illustrate
 the
number
 of
shops
 that
closing
Wrong verb form
closed
show examples
 and
opening
Wrong verb form
opened
show examples
 in certain
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
, between 2011 to 2018.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 the
number
 of closed
shops
 had higher numbers compared to opening
shops
 at the start, with more fluctuation in
closed
Correct article usage
the closed
show examples
shops
 figure, it dominated another
at the end
 of
given
Add an article
a given
the given
show examples
 period. In 2011, the opening
shops
 had
realatively
Correct your spelling
relatively
 higher numbers at the start, accounting for 8,5000.
This
 figure experienced
Correct article usage
a substantially
show examples
substantially
Change the word
substantial
show examples
 decrease at the lower level
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 4,000, followed by some fluctuation and been at the same level in 2015, remaining
consistently
Change the word
consistent
show examples
 till 2017 with a minimal decline to 3,000
at the end
. In comparison, the
number
 of opening
shops
 began lower at 6,200 in 2011, experiencing dramatic fluctuation with a notable dropping point
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2015 with 500 in 2015 before rising to just over 5,000 in 2016,
then
 remained steady to the end. In summary, both
number
Change the article
the number
show examples
 of
shop
Fix the agreement mistake
shops
show examples
 opening and closing had
significant
Change the adjective
significantly
show examples
 decreased throughout the 7
year-period
Correct your spelling
year period
show examples
.
However
, the
number
 of opened
shops
 had
minimal
Correct article usage
a minimal
show examples
 decline compared to opening
shops
,
although
 it saw a significant
dropped
Replace the word
drop
show examples
 in 2015.
Submitted by sippakorn.wet on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, shops with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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