Some people think that money is the most essential factor in promoting happiness Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?
The debate
of
being happy without possessing substantial cash on hand has sparked significant controversies. Whilst some believe that Change preposition
about
money
buys everything in life
including power and authority, others think that there are things which have greater
impact towards the quality of Add an article
a greater
life
, such
as family connection and health
. This
essay will discuss other reasons that overcome money
in promoting happiness.
To begin
with, being in a good state of health
is the most important in life
. People fail to notice this
as they tend to take it for granted. Take the Malboro
Tobacco founder Correct your spelling
Marlboro
for example
; He had so much
assets, but he couldn't enjoy his Change the quantifier
many
life
due to
lung cancer. Apart from that, researchers have shown that most workers are willing to sacrifice their health
by working long hours in order to be financially stable and having
a surge in their Wrong verb form
have
career
. The repercussions of neglecting rest hours will build up and become evident Fix the agreement mistake
careers
in
the age of 40 or 50 when body immunity lowers.
Change preposition
at
Moreover
, happiness extends more than just getting everything that we wanted
by using Wrong verb form
want
money
. Instead
, the root of feeling happy lies on
Change preposition
in
positive
mental attitude. With Correct article usage
a positive
positive
attitude, our social Add an article
a positive
life
will increase as we build more connections with other friends and families. Consequently
, our body releases happy
Add an article
a happy
hormone
known as Fix the agreement mistake
hormones
endorphine
. Correct your spelling
endorphins
endorphin
This
scientifically
proven Add a missing verb
is scientifically
in improving
brain Change preposition
to improve
health
, longer life
expectancy, and positive mindsets.
In conclusion, despite not having much money
, there are other significant factors boosting happiness, such
as being in a
good shape and having positive relations with family and friends. Correct article usage
apply
Nevertheless
, cash is still required to sustain daily life
.Submitted by petreub on
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coherence cohesion
Improve on the logical structure by ensuring smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs, making the essay more readable and coherent.
task achievement
Strengthen the support for your main points with more specific examples or evidence. This would make your argument more compelling and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction clearly sets up the essay and your conclusion succinctly summarises your main points, potentially leaving the reader with a thought-provoking statement.
task achievement
The essay provides a well-rounded discussion about happiness and the factors other than money that contribute to it. This indicates a clear and comprehensive understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the discussion and the conclusion provides a clear summary.
supported main points
The examples, such as the reference to the Marlboro tobacco founder and scientific research, add credibility to your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay covers a balanced view and includes various aspects of happiness, which aligns well with the task requirement.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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