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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Some educationalists say that every child should be taught how to play a musical instrument. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #educationalists #child #instrument
Musical
instrument
Fix the agreement mistake
instruments
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 are fun and nice to learn.but I wouldn't necessarily say they should learn it. Students who wish to major in arts and music school are often the people who insist on
this
 idea.
However
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However,
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 people with no
interests
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interest
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 in majoring in
such
 stuff would mostly agree. From my standpoint,
i
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I
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 strongly disagree. Learning music should not be
as
Correct your spelling
a
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 necessity in school in any way shape or form.
Reasons
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Reason
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why I disagree
Add the comma(s)
, why I disagree,
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 is I believe that there are many other more important subjects to learn other than musical
instruments
.
Instead
 of the child learning how to play these
instruments
, he or she could learn more beneficial subjects that will help him in the future. Other than that, the internet has become the
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 of knowledge. If a person wants to learn how to play
instruments
 they can just simply search up how to do so.
In
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On
show examples
 the other hand, if the child is passionate about his or her musical career and
want
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wants
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 to extend his or her knowledge
in
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of
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 musical
instruments
then
 they should have
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
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 to do so. I see that the child having the freedom to choose
weather
Correct your spelling
whether
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 they want to be taught how to play it or not is up to them, strictly because it is not one of the main subjects. In conclusion, I would
aregue
Correct your spelling
argue
 that, no, children shouldn't be forced to learn musical
instruments
beacause
Correct your spelling
because
 as much as playing
instruments
 can be fun and beneficial sometimes, many children are not into musical art as much as some students are.
however
, they should have the freedom to
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
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weather
Correct your spelling
whether
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 they want to or not.
Submitted by linamazenaytah on

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task achievement
You need to ensure that your arguments are clear and fully developed. For example, elaborating on how other subjects are more beneficial would strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
Consider using topic sentences and linking words to create smoother transitions between your ideas. This will help improve the logical flow of your essay.
language
Pay attention to spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'beacause' (because) and 'weather' (whether). These can distract the reader and affect your overall clarity.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion are both present, providing a clear start and end to your essay.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument, which shows a fair consideration of different perspectives.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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