Competition for university study is becoming increasingly strong. Why are universities becoming more competitive? Is this a positive or negative development? (Write 250 words.)

I have ever seen the
university
’s ranking on many social media sites where the Ivy League group gained the top 10 highest-ranking
universities
in the world, and most of them are from developed countries. In my opinion,
this
competition has many advantages in the education field. International students want to apply for a higher degree in a top-ranking
university
because they trust the quality of the course, which has
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
intensive courses,
research
projects, and professional professors who advise them.
Therefore
, these are good profiles for applying for jobs in the future.
For example
, my former roommate achieved a scholarship for a master’s degree in mathematics from Leeds
University
, United Kingdom, in 2020 and recently graduated
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
last
year.
While
at the
university
, she got good suggestions from her professor about the
university
’s life and her mathematics project. Later, she gained good grades in the program, which could apply for a high-level job. So, worldwide
universities
try to get a high ranking by developing their programs, scholarships and
research
in various fields, which can attract students.
In addition
, the high-quality
university
not only has the
research
and development projects to support the country’s development but
also
supports the students’ facilities when they are at the
university
.
For instance
, when I was a student at Thammasat
University
, I ever used fitness classes, yoga rooms, bicycle rentals, and libraries in my
university
when I had free time, and my stress
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased.
Therefore
, these are why high school students want to learn in a good quality
university
and many
universities
develop their infrastructure. In conclusion, these competitions can increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education’s
Change noun form
education
show examples
quality, and job
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
. In my opinion, if the country
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
to be a developed country in the future, the government should support
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
competitive
Replace the word
competition
show examples
by
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
the annual budget
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
every
universities
Change to a singular noun
university
show examples
for supporting
Change preposition
to support
show examples
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
research
and development and improve to be
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
society.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You could improve your essay by presenting a more defined and focused thesis statement in the introduction. Clarify the reasons why universities are becoming more competitive, supporting these reasons more explicitly in the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and remains focused on a single main idea. This helps to maintain clear and concise elaboration of ideas and improves coherence as well.
task achievement
You effectively used specific examples, such as the story of your former roommate and your personal experience at Thammasat University, to support your points. These examples make your essay more engaging and relatable.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a recognizable introduction and conclusion, which aids in overall readability and coherence of the argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rising demand
  • globalization
  • prestigious
  • advances in technology
  • accessibility
  • employment market
  • qualifications
  • limited resources
  • admission caps
  • high-quality education
  • career prospects
  • online learning
  • faculty limitations
  • competitive edge
  • aspiration
  • surge
What to do next:
Look at other essays: