IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Competition for university study is becoming increasingly strong. Why are universities becoming more competitive? Is this a positive or negative development? (Write 250 words.)

Nowadays, it can be noticed that academic admission and qualitative assessment among
universities
Use synonyms
 are
highly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
increasing
.
Rephrase
rapidly.
show examples
 As far as I am concerned, some possible reasons for
these
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 above situations are
analyzed
Change the spelling
analysed
show examples
 as follows:
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the general social
Linking Words
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
particular
Punctuation problem
particular,
show examples
middle class
Use the right word
middle-class
show examples
 family units and
upper
Correct word choice
upper-class
show examples
expects
Correct subject-verb agreement
expect
show examples
 their children
finish
Verb problem
to finish
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advanced graduation in order to enhance or maintain their well-being.
In addition
Linking Words
,
labour
Correct article usage
the labour
show examples
 market especially
skillful
Correct word choice
skilled
show examples
 jobs demands high-proficiency employees.
Besides
Linking Words
 job experience, a criterion which is easily seen and commonly focused
by
Change preposition
on by
show examples
 employers is
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
where a candidate
had
Verb problem
apply
show examples
finished.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the top-tier
universities
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
, being
show examples
being
Verb problem
which are
show examples
 always highly
demanded
Punctuation problem
demanded,
show examples
 have limited enrollment. These conditions theoretically tend to cause an inevitably competitive environment.
Hence
Linking Words
, the students need to
take
Use the right word
make
show examples
 more efforts to enter their desired programs in the leading
universities
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile , the
universities
Use synonyms
 have to cultivate their educational services to be in
such
Linking Words
 good rankings that they can be one of
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 choices for people
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 school age and parents.
However
Linking Words
, the predicament
conducts
Verb problem
has
show examples
 both advantages and disadvantages. The positive consequences are likely to the learners. Based on competitive hypothesis, they need to develop, dedicate and keep discipline with rivalry in the entrance exam and finishing
at
Change preposition
with
show examples
 good scores. If they can accomplish as planned, it would be beneficial for their career path and their family pride.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
strongly
Replace the word
strong
show examples
 competition may cause pressure on them. Some people feel depressed or get anxiety so intense that it impacts their daily lives.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
struggling
Replace the word
struggle
show examples
 with education may increase the opportunity inequity.
For example
Linking Words
, the groups of middle income and upper
having
Wrong verb form
income have
show examples
 more chances to access resources
can
Correct word choice
and can
show examples
 take more advantage over the lower ones to get into the better institutions. Actually, the applicants holding
the
Fix capitalization
The
show examples
 inferior qualifications seldom have
potential
Correct article usage
the potential
show examples
 to either hire
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 tutors or create a fancy portfolio.
As a result
Linking Words
, the inequity gap will be broadened by the competitive effects. In conclusion, the competition of studying at a high level is a
double edged
Use the right word
double-edged
show examples
 sword. I am in two minds about which side weighs more than the other. Because it depends on the individuals and government policy. The good outcomes may be outstanding
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 if the stress management process is
well- developed
Use the right word
well-developed
show examples
 and the reduction of inequity will be supported by government action.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task
Make your position clear in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion. Decide if you see competition as positive or negative and argue your view clearly.
coherence
Use one main idea per paragraph with a strong topic sentence. Then add evidence or example and a brief explanation.
grammar
Use simple, short sentences. Avoid long chains of words that confuse the reader.
content
Add concrete but simple examples or data to back up your points.
grammar
Check verb forms and prepositions; fix errors in articles and plural nouns.
content
The essay shows you understand both sides of the issue.
organization
There is a clear attempt to structure the essay with introduction, body, and conclusion.
intent
The conclusion tries to give a personal view and policy ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rising demand
  • globalization
  • prestigious
  • advances in technology
  • accessibility
  • employment market
  • qualifications
  • limited resources
  • admission caps
  • high-quality education
  • career prospects
  • online learning
  • faculty limitations
  • competitive edge
  • aspiration
  • surge
What to do next:
Look at other essays: