IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

You have bought a new camera but when you got it home you found it had some problems.You returned the camera and spoke to the company representative a week ago but the camera has still not been repaired. Write a letter to the company. In your letter: •Introduce yourself •Explain the situation •Say what action you would like the company to take

#camera #home #company #representative #week #•introduce #•explain #situation #•say #action
Dear Sir or Madam, Hope you are doing well. I am going to write
this
 letter about an issues in
camera
 that I recently bought from your store.
This
 is Harpreet Kaur and I have a keen interest in capturing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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pictures of animals, nature and rare animals owing to
this
 I
purschased
Correct your spelling
purchased
 a new
camera
 from your store as per the recommendations of my friend. Well, when I brought it home
then
 I realised that something was wrong with
this
.
Moreover
, when I tried to click
Add an article
the picture
a picture
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picture
Change the form of the verb
pictures
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 of my sister
then
 it
took
Verb problem
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blured
Correct your spelling
blurred
 and its battery died every five minutes and I found there was
technical
Add an article
a technical
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 problem. It frustrated me a lot because we already planned our trip.
Additionally
, I visited your store and consulted with one of the representatives
as well as
 I told the whole story about
camera
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the camera
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. He promised me that they
will
Wrong verb form
would
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repaire
Correct your spelling
repair
 it free of cost within two days. I hope I will definitely get back my
camera
 with a repair or return my money back. Yours faithfully, Harpreet Kaur
Submitted by mbrar9503 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider making your transitions between ideas smoother. For example, using transition words like 'Furthermore,' or 'Additionally,' can help your letter flow better.
task achievement
Ensure that all necessary details are included in your letter to achieve full task response. For instance, specify the exact issues with the camera more clearly and mention the date of purchase or the representative's name.
task achievement
You have clearly explained the situation and provided specific details about the problem with your camera.
task achievement
The tone of your letter is polite and suitable for a formal complaint.
coherence cohesion
The letter is generally well-structured, with a clear introduction, explanation, and a request for action.
coherence cohesion
Proper greetings and closing have been used, maintaining the formality of the letter.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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