There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is a huge stress on youngsters to get better attainment academically.Some of them argue that non-academic
subjects
including physical education and cookery,should be eradicate
from the school curriculum since children are likely to be engaging Change the verb form
be eradicated
on
Change preposition
in
academic
without any distractions. I agree with Fix the agreement mistake
academics
this
noble idea, since that helps to improve children
performance and Change noun form
children's
becoming
in Wrong verb form
become
better
position in their lives.
The most significant reason why Add an article
a better
i
favour Change the capitalization
I
of
Change preposition
apply
this
view point
is that helps to enhance their study Correct your spelling
viewpoint
time
academically. To be more precise, in school
syllabus certain period of Correct article usage
the school
time
that occupied for the
extra-curricular Correct article usage
apply
subjects
, which is the
waste of Correct article usage
a
time
to
the students ,when academic Change preposition
for
subjects
has
taught that Change the verb form
have
time
, which can helps
to improve their knowledge in Change the verb form
help
the
imperative Correct article usage
apply
subjects
such
as science, mathematics and physics.
The other prominent reason is that additional subjects
that
are likely to be a distraction to focus learning to pupils. In Correct pronoun usage
apply
other word
, when students Change the wording
another word
other words
are become
Change to the active voice
become
have become
to interest
in Change the verb form
interested
the
non-academic Correct article usage
apply
subjects
they tend to spend more time
to
that Change preposition
on
subjects
which leads to reducing the
interest Change the word
their
on
their academic Change preposition
in
subjects
. Furthermore
, involving
physical activities Verb problem
apply
such
as sports and games that
are causing to exhausted the students so they can not perform well academically. Correct pronoun usage
apply
For instance
, Although
, my cousin who
is excellent in all Correct pronoun usage
apply
subjects
; after
she got Correct word choice
but after
Correct article usage
an interest
interest
Change the verb form
interested
to
cookery she could not perform well in Change preposition
in
the
studies ,as she Change the word
her
spend
most of Wrong verb form
spent
the
Change the word
her
time
to
trying new recipes.
Change preposition
apply
To conclude
, I support that non-academic subjects
should be removed from school
curriculum, which leads to children Add an article
the school
can get
better attainment in their academics.Wrong verb form
getting
Submitted by jivenica1998 on
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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the coherence in your essay. Ensure that paragraphs flow logically from one to the next, and that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Use transition words and phrases to help connect your ideas smoothly.
task achievement
Make sure to fully develop your points to achieve better clarity. Each argument should be clearly explained and supported with relevant examples or evidence. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps the reader follow your argument easily.
relevant specific examples
You provided a relevant example about your cousin to support your point regarding distractions from non-academic subjects. This makes your argument more relatable and concrete.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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