IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that university students should be free to choose any courses they want to study, while others argue that they should only be allowed to study courses that will be useful in the future such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #university #students #courses #study #future #science #technology
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are views pertinent
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
courses
Fix the agreement mistake
course
show examples
 options that university
student
 should choose, one
said
Wrong verb form
says
show examples
 they are better only
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
 the
courses
 that
arguably
Add a missing verb
are arguably
show examples
 beneficial for their
endeavor
Change the spelling
endeavour
show examples
,
such
 as technology and science,
while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 encourage them to freely choose the
courses
 they want to study. I believe both of these options are good depending on the situation and
background
 of the
student
.   Normally, the university
student
 who ought to enrich their knowledge from several multidisciplinary is the
student
 who
coming
Change the form of the verb
comes
show examples
 from a social
sciences
background
.
Then
, that
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
student
 is
advisable
Replace the word
advised
show examples
 to choose
courses
 across their
departement
Correct your spelling
department
.
This
 is mainly because the drivers of social issues often time arise outside of the social
sciences
 expertise.
For example
, an issue about poverty might be caused by stunting which is part of health sector problems.
However
, the policy maker who
coming
Wrong verb form
comes
show examples
 from
social
Correct article usage
a social
show examples
sciences
background
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to explore the root problem of stunting to make an intervention.  Meanwhile, the type of
student
 who is better to sharpen their prowess is the
student
 coming from
natural
Correct article usage
a natural
show examples
sciences
background
. Mainly, because the natural
sciences
 knowledge
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
show examples
 to be durable and less flexible compared to social
sciences
.
Thus
, the longevity of the knowledge has caused taking
courses
 from
other department
Change the wording
another department
other departments
show examples
won’t
Correct your spelling
to not
 contribute much to their research.
For example
, taking a course about community development wouldn’t make any contribution to the study of a biomedic
student
. 
To conclude
, both of the
option
Change to a plural noun
options
show examples
is worked
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 for
student
 as long as it related to their study.
Submitted by sariksma on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay successfully discusses both views and expresses your opinion, which is great. However, your position on the issue could be stated more clearly. Try to explicitly state your opinion in the introduction and reinforce it in the conclusion.
task achievement
While you do present clear ideas and relevant examples, some of the sentences are somewhat unclear due to minor grammatical and vocabulary issues. Proofreading and refining your sentences can help improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is generally good,, but some areas can be improved for better flow. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to improve coherence.
task achievement
Your use of relevant examples, such as the poverty and stunting issue, effectively supports your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You have successfully addressed both sides of the argument, which is a key aspect of the task response criterion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: