IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Question. Happiness is considered very important in life,why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness. Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your own knowledge and experiences.

Happiness is crucial in every individual life. It is difficult to define
due to
Linking Words
 every person
has
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 their own view regarding
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
feeling happy. From my point of view, the most important consideration to be happy is enough feeling and
receive
Wrong verb form
receiving
show examples
 faith from God. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss these factors and include
relavant
Correct your spelling
relevant
 examples. People who consider their life as glad individuals will always have enough feeling and whatever they have, it will make them happy. If someone does not have
this
Linking Words
 feeling, she or he will always seek
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
something that they do not have.
For instance
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, many people nowadays commit crimes like
corrupting
Replace the word
corruption
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, not because they are in financial issues, but
it
Correct word choice
because it
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 is just
for increasing
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to increase
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 their incomes. It happens because they never feel satisfaction with their revenues. It is a piece of evidence that if humans are not
satisfaction
Replace the word
satisfied
show examples
 or happy with what they have now, they will do whatever to be glad.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is important to be enough.
In addition
Linking Words
, many people now seem to be unhappy because they refuse the
faiths
Fix the agreement mistake
faith
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from
Change preposition
of
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 God. It can be seen in
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
 era, where many
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 see surgery doctors to change their faces or skin
colors
Change the spelling
colours
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. All of these are done to appear more perfect and to fulfil a beauty
standart
Correct your spelling
standard
.
These phenomenon
Change the determiner
This phenomenon
These phenomena
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 can be easily found in South Korea, where both girls and boys change their noses or
shape
Correct article usage
the shape
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 of
faces
Correct pronoun usage
their faces
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 to appear more attractive. Many of them even choose to die if they can not
affort
Correct your spelling
afford
 to surgery
their
Change preposition
on their
show examples
 faces.
Thus
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, receiving faith is so crucial to
determine
Wrong verb form
determining
show examples
happiness
Add an article
the happiness
show examples
 of a person. In conclusion, the main points to be happy are being enough and receiving faith from God. If they can not do or
revuse
Correct your spelling
refuse
revise
 that, they will never
happy
Add a missing verb
be happy
show examples
 and eventually do whatever to achieve their own happiness.

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coherence cohesion
Consider improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. The points you make are valid, but they would benefit from smoother transitions and more cohesive structure.
task achievement
Ensure that the ideas presented are comprehensive and clear. Some sentences are difficult to follow, which makes the arguments less compelling. Spend more time clarifying your thoughts and structuring them logically.
task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the essay prompt, addressing both why happiness is difficult to define and what factors contribute to achieving it.
coherence cohesion
You have clear main points and a conclusion that mirrors the introduction, which helps to structure the essay effectively.
task achievement
Relevant examples are included to support your main points, which adds depth to your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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