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Writing Samples /
Band 3

The private motor vehicle has greatly improved individual freedom of movement. Moreover, it has become a status symbol. Its use, though, has impacted negatively on city centres as a whole. What are some serious problems brought about by private motor vehicle use? How can its use be reduced? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#motor #vehicle #freedom #movement #status #symbol #city #centres
Nowadays the
motor
 industry has raised a lot, giving people the chance to improve their freedom of movement, but
this
also
 provided another problem, by creating a negative impact in our cities. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 we will discuss what are some of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 problems and how can we reduce
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 issues.
Firstly
, the use of private
motor
 vehicles has brought some issues to our society.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that most of the city centres are waterlogged with cars and
motorcicles
Correct your spelling
motorcycles
 creating a contaminated space, by pollution and noise in our
citys
Correct your spelling
cities
.
For example
, in China, there are many hours a day when you can not move by car, because the streets
are fill
Change the verb form
are filled
show examples
 with
motor
 vehicles.
This
 massive amount of cars and
motorcicles
Correct your spelling
motorcycles
 has brought a variety of issues to our community.
Otherwise
,
this
 problem can be solved in a variety of
wais
Correct your spelling
ways
show examples
. By investing more money in public transport systems, the powers that be would be able to
aboid
Correct your spelling
avoid
this problems
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
show examples
,
such
 as noise and pollution. As the way I see it,
this
 could
also
 help to reduce the time needed to move
arround
Correct your spelling
around
, by reducing the traffic.
To conclude
with
Change preposition
apply
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, I will say that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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private
motor
 vehicles
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 created huge problems that
now a days
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
 are difficult to deal with,
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 in our city centres.
Submitted by pabloenriquevicente on

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task response
Make sure to thoroughly address both parts of the question - the problems caused by private motor vehicles and the ways to reduce their use - in equal measure.
task response
Support your points with relevant examples and evidence. For instance, mentioning a specific public transport initiative that has successfully reduced traffic can strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical structure of your essay by clearly outlining the main points in each paragraph and ensuring each paragraph focuses on one main idea.
coherence cohesion
Work on connecting your ideas more smoothly. Linking words and phrases help guide the reader through your argument.
language use
Pay attention to language accuracy, including spelling and grammar. Correcting errors such as “waterlogged” (which should be “congested”) and “wais” (which should be “ways”) would enhance clarity.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which help to frame the response.
content
The main idea that private motor vehicles create problems such as pollution and noise in city centers is correctly identified and discussed.
task response
There is some attempt to provide an example (China) to support the points made, which helps in making the response more concrete.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • City traffic congestion
  • pollution
  • respiratory illnesses
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • infrastructure
  • traffic bottlenecks
  • urban space
  • safety concerns
  • economic vulnerability
  • oil dependency
  • public transportation
  • urban planning
  • walkability
  • cycling paths
  • car-sharing
  • ride-sharing
  • tax incentives
  • emissions
  • sustainable transport
  • awareness campaigns
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