IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In the last decade, there has been a great increase in global air travel. What do you think are the reasons for this and do you think it is a good thing?

#decade #air #travel
Recently, the willingness of people to use
airplanes
Change the spelling
aeroplanes
show examples
 has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased.
Although
 transporting
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 planes has advantages
such
 as fast speed and
accesibilty
Correct your spelling
accessibility
,
however
, I believe
this
 leads to severe environmental
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
show examples
, including air pollution and global warming. Nowadays,
human-beings
Correct your spelling
human beings
show examples
 tend to travel by
airplanes
Change the spelling
aeroplanes
show examples
 rather than other
transporation
Correct your spelling
transportation
 vehicles as they can avoid
misallocationing
Correct your spelling
misallocation
misallocations
 time and are
accesible
Correct your spelling
accessible
. Plane tickets can be purchased by
smart phone
Correct your spelling
smartphone
show examples
 applications at any desired time with special offers and
afordable
Correct your spelling
affordable
 prices.
In addition
, if one wants to travel long distances as travelling across continents, it can be done in
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 hours.
For example
, many immigrants' close families and friends are able to visit them in a few hours as opposed to a century ago which would take months to travel that distance with ships and vehicles. Despite
this
, the popularity has caused serious
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
show examples
 to the earth. A plethora of
of
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
flights
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
 off every day which burns a significant amount of
fussil
Correct your spelling
fossil
fuels
Fix the agreement mistake
fuel
show examples
.
As a result
,
this
 phenomenon pollutes the environment and
intensify
Correct subject-verb agreement
intensifies
show examples
 the global warming disaster.
For instance
, the
critisims
Correct your spelling
criticisms
criticism
 against Taylor Swift, a famous young pop star,
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been raised by
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 activists
becasue
Correct your spelling
because
 of the excessive usage of her private jet.
This
over consumption
Correct your spelling
overconsumption
show examples
 has
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 to a considerable amount of fuels' toxic emissions.
While
 using airplanes as
primary
Correct article usage
the primary
show examples
transportaion
Correct your spelling
transportation
 way could be beneficial in many aspects, especially less time consumption and easier to access, the destruction
this
 method
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 for our planet can't be underestimated.
Submitted by golnaz.zv on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to address both parts of the task more evenly. While you did mention the reasons for the increase in air travel, a more balanced discussion regarding the positive or negative aspects would provide a stronger response.
clear comprehensive ideas
Some ideas could be developed more clearly. Ensure that each paragraph has one main idea which is clearly supported with examples or reasoning.
coherence cohesion
Consider working on grammar and vocabulary to improve clarity. Reduce minor mistakes such as typos, missing articles, and verb forms.
introduction conclusion present
Good structure and clear introduction.
relevant specific examples
Relevant example provided about Taylor Swift and environmental impact.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic growth
  • Disposable income
  • Aviation technology
  • Efficient
  • Proliferation
  • Budget airlines
  • Globalization
  • Tourism
  • Social media
  • Promotional activities
  • Economic development
  • Cultural exchange
  • Environmental impact
  • Carbon emissions
  • Climate change
  • Over-tourism
  • Local resources
What to do next:
Look at other essays: