Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others,however,say that this would have little effect on public healthand that other measure are required. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Health
is wealth. Some people
believe that increasing the number of sports
facilities is the appropriate method to develop public well-being while
other
say that Fix the agreement mistake
others
this
may causes
Change the verb form
cause
negative
effect on public Add an article
a negative
health
and there are other methods is
necessary. Correct subject-verb agreement
are
This
essay discusses both viewpoints and I strongly agree with the latter opinion for the following reasons.
On the one hand, public health
will be improved by increasing the sports
facilities because sports
only can help to being
fit Change the verb form
be
besides
individuals like to be
live in Unnecessary verb
apply
sedentary
lifestyle. Add an article
a sedentary
This
is, many
Correct word choice
because many
sports
require body fitness, so people
have to play consistently in different sports
, and as a result
, their health
will be improved and they stay far away from any diseases. For example
, in China, there are numerous sports
help
to mankind Correct pronoun usage
that help
being
fit even Wrong verb form
be
their
sickness ratio Correct word choice
though their
also
least
than other nations, Fix the agreement mistake
lower
due to
extending sports
amenities.
In contrast
, all people
cannot do sports
because of their body conditions, so there are other ways to improve health
. That is
to say, following a proper diet, without eating too much
Correct quantifier usage
many
processes-based
on food items Correct your spelling
processes based
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
help
to improve the Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
populations'
well-being. Change noun form
population's
For instance
, schools should check their students' lunch box whether they eat healthy meals or junk foods in order to children will start a
proper meals Correct article usage
apply
since
childhood. Change preposition
in
In other words
, physical exercise is the best way to improve the
public Correct article usage
apply
health
, which is all age group
of Fix the agreement mistake
groups
people
can do walking, running and jumping, so it will help them to being
fit.
Change the verb form
be
To conclude
, although
playing sports
frequently that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
assist
Correct subject-verb agreement
assists
to
staying fit, so diseases stay far away from the population, physical exercise and a proper diet Change preposition
in
helps
to improve Change the verb form
help
the
public Correct article usage
apply
health
. However
, in my opinion, sports
is
not suitable for everyone, so physical exercise and diet Change the verb form
are
that
help to improve Correct pronoun usage
apply
health
.Submitted by reanudeepan on
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task achievement
Your essay presents both sides of the argument, fulfilling the task requirements, but the points made could be clearer and more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
You should focus on providing more clear and logical connections between your ideas to enhance coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Although the introduction and conclusion are present, they could be better defined and more clearly related to the main points discussed in the body of the essay.
task achievement
More specific and relevant examples could strengthen your essay and make your points more convincing.
task achievement
Try to avoid minor grammatical errors to improve the overall quality of your writing.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction and conclusion, giving your essay a clear structure.
task achievement
The essay effectively discusses both viewpoints as requested in the task prompt.