IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Money management should be taught at school. Do you agree?

#money #management #school
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It is universally acknowledged that
money
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 plays a crucial role in
people
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people's
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prosperous
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prosperity
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. Presently, financial
management
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 is learned in
community
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the community
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 through experience after
adolescent
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adolescence
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.
However
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, it is argued that financial skills should be taught at school to equip juveniles in
global
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the global
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 market and guarantee their future. I totally agree with
this
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 statement
due to
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 its abundant
of
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apply
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benefits.
This
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 essay will express the supportive reasons for
this
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 notion. Financial
management
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 is an important
skill
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 that should be learned
along with
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 other courses and skills.
This
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skill
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 could help minors to be skilled in saving, spending and earning
money
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 as well.
In addition
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, in recent days, stock marketing is a popular way of investing
money
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 which requires knowledge to predict the financial charts in
global
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the global
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 market. Learning
this
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skill
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in
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at
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 a young age could pave
their
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the
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 way to have welfare lifestyles
as well as
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 studying in
Correct pronoun usage
their favorite
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favorite
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favourite
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 field.
For example
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, if a student who was not skilled in financial
management
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become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
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 an engineer and
then
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 they suddenly bankrupt;
this
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 financial
skill
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 will play a backup role for them to reconstruct their lives. The second reason is
assisting
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to assisting
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family
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families
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 through
financially educating
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financial education
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children
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for children
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. In the modern era, new products are daily produced, distributed and advertised which tempts people especially juveniles to purchase them purposelessly. A financially equipped person is aware of advertising traps and avoids bad financial habits.
Consequently
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, they would not waste their families’ income
for
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on
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 useless stuff.
In other words
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, financial
management
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 would help families to save
money
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 more.
For example
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, posting different clothes and fantasy accessories would incentivize girls to spend a huge expense on them, but financial skills would help them to limit their
dedicating
Verb problem
apply
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allowance to unimportant things and focus on saving. In conclusion, schools, as an educational environment,
aims
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aim
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 to prepare pupils to enter into the real world. Financial
management
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 which is essentially
influence
Correct article usage
an influence
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 on the success of adults should be set in
school
Correct article usage
the school
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 curriculum to prepare students to overcome financial challenges.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the task, but ensure that all ideas are well-developed and clearly elaborated. This will help elevate your score in the 'clear comprehensive ideas' criterion.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is structured logically, working on smoother transitions between ideas can enhance the overall coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Your essay does an excellent job of addressing all parts of the task, presenting a clear position that is directly relevant to the question.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both strong and clearly frame your argument.
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