Money management should be taught at school. do you agree?

It is universally acknowledged that

money

plays a crucial role in people’s prosperity. Presently, financial

management

is learned in the community through experience after adolescence.

However

, it is argued that financial skills should be taught at school to equip juveniles in the global market and guarantee their future. I totally agree with

this

statement

due to

its abundant benefits.

This

essay will express the supportive reasons for

this

notion. Financial

management

is an important

skill

that should be learned

along with

other courses and skills.

This

skill

could help minors to be skilled in saving, spending and earning

money

as well.

In addition

, in recent days, stock marketing is a popular way of investing

money

which requires knowledge to predict the financial charts in the global market. Learning

this

skill

at a young age could pave their way to be on welfare

as well as

studying in

Correct pronoun usage

their favorite

show examples

favorite

Change the spelling

favourite

show examples

field.

For example

, if a student who was not skilled in financial

management

become

Correct subject-verb agreement

becomes

show examples

an engineer and

then

they suddenly bankrupt;

this

financial

skill

will play a backup role for them to reconstruct their lives. The second reason is

assisting

Change preposition

to assisting

show examples

family

Fix the agreement mistake

families

show examples

through

financially educating

Replace the word

financial education

show examples

children

Change preposition

for children

show examples

. In the modern era, new products are daily produced, distributed and advertised which tempts people especially juveniles to purchase them purposelessly. A financially equipped person is aware of advertising traps and avoids bad financial habits.

Consequently

, they would not waste their families’ income

for

Change preposition

show examples

useless stuff.

In other words

, financial

management

would help families to save

money

more.

For example

, posting different clothes and fantasy accessories would incentivize girls to spend a huge expense on them, but financial skills would help them to limit their

dedicating

Verb problem

apply

show examples

allowance to unimportant things and focus on saving. In conclusion, schools, as an educational environment, aim to prepare pupils to enter into the real world. Financial

management

which is essentially an influence on the success of adults should be set in the school curriculum to prepare students to overcome financial challenges.

Submitted by TUTOO on Sun Sep 08 2024

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task achievement

The essay presents a clear and relevant argument, but it could benefit from addressing potential counterarguments to provide a more balanced view. For example, consider briefly discussing why some might argue against teaching financial management in schools and then refuting those points.

coherence and cohesion

The flow of the essay is quite smooth, but some transitional phrases or sentences linking the paragraphs could enhance coherence. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to maintain clarity.

general

The vocabulary and grammar used in the essay are generally strong, but there are a few instances where slight grammatical inaccuracies or awkward phrasing could be polished. For example, the phrase "to be on welfare as well as studying in favorite field" could be rephrased for clarity.

coherence and cohesion

The essay has a well-defined introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the argument effectively. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and reinforces the thesis.

task achievement

The examples provided are relevant and help to illustrate the key points being made. This adds depth to the argument and makes it more convincing.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

330 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Money management should be taught at school. do you agree?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

playing computer games only has negative effect on children. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that professional workers such as doctors, nurses and teachers who make a greater contribution to society should be paid more than sports athletes and entertainment stars. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Today people have unhealthy diets and do not exercise. What do you think why it is so. What are the reasons? Suggest some solutions for solving this situation.