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Band 4.5

􏰖 􏰈􏰕􏰥􏰎 􏰒􏰎􏰕􏰒􏰔􏰎 􏰘􏰍􏰙􏰚􏰦 􏰘􏰍􏰑􏰘 􏰘􏰍􏰎 􏰥􏰕􏰗􏰘 􏰙􏰥􏰒􏰕􏰐􏰘􏰑􏰚􏰘 􏰘􏰍􏰙􏰚􏰏 􏰑􏰓􏰕􏰜􏰘 􏰓􏰎􏰙􏰚􏰏 􏰐􏰙􏰣􏰍 􏰙􏰗 􏰙􏰘 􏰏􏰙􏰠􏰎􏰗 􏰑 􏰒􏰎􏰐􏰗􏰕􏰚 􏰘􏰍􏰎 􏰕􏰒􏰒􏰕􏰐􏰘􏰜􏰚􏰙􏰘􏰧 􏰘􏰕 􏰍􏰎􏰔􏰒 􏰕􏰘􏰍􏰎􏰐 􏰒􏰎􏰕􏰒􏰔􏰎􏰤 􏰝􏰌 􏰚􏰌􏰍 􏰈􏰅􏰁􏰊􏰊 􏰌􏰁 􏰑􏰂􏰎􏰈􏰅􏰁􏰊􏰊􏰞

There is no denying the fact that money is essential to help other
people
.
While
 it is a commonly held belief
to
Change preposition
that
show examples
 being rich is it
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 a person
the
Add the preposition
with the
show examples
 ability to help other
people
, there is
also
 an argument that opposes it is not just about being rich to help
others
 even the poorest
people
 could
be afford
Change the verb form
afford
show examples
 help to
others
. In my opinion, I consider that ethical and moral it is important to assist
others
 not just
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the financial status.
To begin
 with, obviously
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rich
people
 can
be provide
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
 a lot of money to help their poor families.
In other words
, they are capable
to afford
Change preposition
of affording
show examples
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
some basic needs ,
such
 as food and shelter.
In addition
,
certainly
Add a comma
certainly,
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rich
people
 could change their lives by making scholarships for their poor families.
For example
, the King Saud University provide a free scholarship to poor students who suffer from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial problems with the support of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rich
people
 ,like
king
Fix the agreement mistake
kings
show examples
 or
entrepreneur
Fix the agreement mistake
entrepreneurs
show examples
people
. Another point to consider, occasionally, there are several ways to assist
people
 and guide them. It is
also
 possible to say that, perhaps
help
Wrong verb form
helping
show examples
people
 by teaching them or helping hand when a person is suffering is better than helping with money.
Moreover
, volunteers are significant contributors to
help
Wrong verb form
helping
show examples
others
.
For instance
, when
come
Wrong verb form
comes
show examples
 to natural climates ,
such
 as
flood
Fix the agreement mistake
floods
show examples
 or
earthquake
Fix the agreement mistake
earthquakes
show examples
, the immediate
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
 of
people
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 food and medical care.
Plent
Correct your spelling
Plenty
 of fresh graduates medical provide care for their families. In conclusion, despite
people
 having different views, I believe that helping
people
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 different ways
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 always the financial help.
Submitted by raghadyaseer2015 on

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Grammar and Sentence Structure
Work on improving grammatical accuracy to convey your ideas more clearly. Some sentences are confusing or awkward due to incorrect grammar.
Task Achievement
Make sure to fully develop each main point with sufficient supporting detail to strengthen your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the coherence of your essay by ensuring each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. Use transition words and phrases to make your writing smoother.
Introduction and Conclusion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, defining the topic and summarizing your viewpoint effectively.
Use of Examples
There are good attempts to use examples to support your points, which helps to illustrate your ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • bilingual
  • multilingual
  • fluency
  • communicate
  • cognitive skills
  • cultural awareness
  • opportunities
  • globalized world
  • job market
  • interact
  • linguistic abilities
  • cultural exchange
  • language proficiency
  • language barrier
  • foreign travel
  • personal growth
  • academic achievement
  • self-confidence
  • enhance
  • cross-cultural communication
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