It is a common aspiration among people to run their own business, rather that work for an employer. Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

Most people always want to create their own businesses as circulating your own
business
easier
Add a missing verb
is easier
show examples
than working for an employer in any facility.
Nevertheless
,it is hard to create your own
business
and people are a little bit discouraged about creating their system.Despite
this
phenomenon can lead to negative impacts,I more firmly believe that there are more significant positive effects. It is undeniable that, those who don'
t
want to
work
as an employer face many problems in their way.
Firstly
,you have to obtain any licences and stuff that help your
business
flow in your
work
.
Additionally
,always you calculate your income and outcome, you meet cargo companies for shipping your products.The most significant problem is the money which may enhance your income or it could be the opposite. Surely, everything should
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
obey standardization in your
business
flow.
Secondly
,you should have
business
analytics who adjust your company budget
according to
every attempt.In your position not only
mere
Correct your spelling
are
show examples
you just boss but
also
you have to
work
, track,and analyze everything in your
work
model.
Nevertheless
,despite the aforementioned disadvantages,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
am convicted that creating your own
business
brings about a myriad of advantages.
Firstly
,you don'
t
need to depend on someone to earn money for your future.You may perform all your
thinks
Correct your spelling
things
show examples
in your project maybe you bring new innovations current
business
system.
Secondly
,you have your own job and don'
t
feel any responsibility
also
you reach the position which always you want to manage the employers.
Additionally
,you don'
t
have to go to
work
every morning
also
you live more comfortably as a boss.Already, you don'
t
have to ruin your both physical and mental health. In conclusion,
although
I recognize that creating your own
work
model can cause drawbacks,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
believe that if people have a chance,they should exactly use their opportunities.
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coherence cohesion
Work on creating a clearer structure for your essay. Use paragraphs to separate different points and make sure each paragraph has a single main idea.
task achievement
Ensure that your main points are supported with more specific examples. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
Pay attention to your grammar and sentence structure. There are several places where the meaning is unclear due to grammatical errors.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced view, discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of running your own business.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay and state your position clearly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • aspiration
  • entrepreneur
  • flexibility
  • decision-making
  • financial rewards
  • personal fulfillment
  • challenges
  • financial risk
  • invested capital
  • cash flow
  • guaranteed income
  • work-life balance
  • responsibility
  • pressure
  • burnout
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