It is a common aspiration among people to run their own business, rather that work for an employer. Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

#aspiration #people #business #work #employer

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Most people always want to create their own businesses as circulating your own

business

easier

Add a missing verb

is easier

show examples

than working for an employer in any facility.

Nevertheless

,it is hard to create your own

business

and people are a little bit discouraged about creating their system.Despite

this

phenomenon can lead to negative impacts,I more firmly believe that there are more significant positive effects. It is undeniable that, those who don'

want to

work

as an employer face many problems in their way.

Firstly

,you have to obtain any licences and stuff that help your

business

flow in your

work

Additionally

,always you calculate your income and outcome, you meet cargo companies for shipping your products.The most significant problem is the money which may enhance your income or it could be the opposite. Surely, everything should

Unnecessary verb

apply

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obey standardization in your

business

flow.

Secondly

,you should have

business

analytics who adjust your company budget

according to

every attempt.In your position not only

mere

Correct your spelling

are

show examples

you just boss but

also

you have to

work

, track,and analyze everything in your

work

model.

Nevertheless

,despite the aforementioned disadvantages,

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am convicted that creating your own

business

brings about a myriad of advantages.

Firstly

,you don'

need to depend on someone to earn money for your future.You may perform all your

thinks

Correct your spelling

things

show examples

in your project maybe you bring new innovations current

business

system.

Secondly

,you have your own job and don'

feel any responsibility

also

you reach the position which always you want to manage the employers.

Additionally

,you don'

have to go to

work

every morning

also

you live more comfortably as a boss.Already, you don'

have to ruin your both physical and mental health. In conclusion,

although

I recognize that creating your own

work

model can cause drawbacks,

Change the capitalization

show examples

believe that if people have a chance,they should exactly use their opportunities.

Submitted by alialiyevv423 on Sun Sep 08 2024

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coherence cohesion

Work on creating a clearer structure for your essay. Use paragraphs to separate different points and make sure each paragraph has a single main idea.

task achievement

Ensure that your main points are supported with more specific examples. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.

task achievement

Pay attention to your grammar and sentence structure. There are several places where the meaning is unclear due to grammatical errors.

task achievement

You have provided a balanced view, discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of running your own business.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay and state your position clearly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

286 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

aspiration
entrepreneur
flexibility
decision-making
financial rewards
personal fulfillment
challenges
financial risk
invested capital
cash flow
guaranteed income
work-life balance
responsibility
pressure
burnout

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It is a common aspiration among people to run their own business, rather that work for an employer. Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very Important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?