IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Some people think that it is a good thing for senior management positions to have much higher salaries than other workers in a company. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

#minutes #people #management #positions #salaries #workers #company
A group of people believe that professional
workers
 and
managers
 playing significant roles in the firm bear a right to earn more money plus incentives compared to ordinary
laborers
Change the spelling
labourers
show examples
. I subscribe to the notion that
managers
 conduct the
company
;
besides
 prosperity of the
company
 results in their strategy and decisions in sensitive situations.
Therefore
 they would deserve tangible bounces.
Initially
, it takes a long time which a manager
nurture
Fix the infinitive
to nurture
show examples
 and obtain sophisticated experience because steering a firm is complicated. Senior
managers
 should be aware of a quite number of aspects including the amount of revenue, demands of society, expenses of production and so forth which they should make strategies
considered
Wrong verb form
consider
show examples
 those terms. if they were incapable of controlling the situation, the
company
 might make a loss
such
 as ordinary
workers
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
bosses and shareholders,
hence
company
 must provide some incentive for their lucrative
managers
 in order to encourage.
Secondly
, senior
managers
 should routinely be available during the day since it is doable that unpredictable coincidences occur at any time ,
need
Correct word choice
and need
show examples
 to appear to tackle the errors.
Therefore
 they are obsessed with their work when they are at the weekend.
on the other hand
, bosses have to consider rational salaries for their experts because if they pay a big fortune to them , it would be possible to create a profound gap between blue-collar
workers
 and
managers
 leading to unrest.
Therefore
 not only should companies dedicate incentives for veteran
managers
, but
also
 they should allocate bonuses for manual
workers
. as outlined above, adept
managers
 are the backbone of firms
which
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
 prosperity and failure of
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
 are consequences of their attempts and decisions
in
Change preposition
over
show examples
 the course of time.
Hence
 companies should consider valuable income for decent
managers
 but they do not forget the simple workforce.
Submitted by pooya.sheytoon2 on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and provides a clear stance, but the argument needs to be more balanced with examples. Presenting specific instances would support your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining your logical structure by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly. The introduction and conclusion are present, but the body paragraphs can be better organized to enhance the flow of ideas.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states your position on the topic, providing a good starting point for your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay, reinforcing your stance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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