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Band 4

Whether or not a person achieves their aims in life is mostly related to luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#person #life #luck
Some people argue that what a
person
achieve
Change the verb form
achieves
show examples
 in his
life
 is mainly because of his
luck
. I completely disagree with
this
 statement because what a
person
 achieves in his
life
 is only because of his
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
 and perseverance, not
luck
.
This
 essay will provide the reasons for
this
believe
Replace the word
belief
show examples
 and give examples. If a
person
 is determined to achieve any goal or success in his
life
, he will definitely achieve it. Achieving something in
life
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fully depends on how much determination someone has to achieve it, and how much
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
 and dedication a
person
 has invested
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 it.
For example
, if someone wants to achieve a high band score in the IELTS, he must have to practice consistently with full focus until he
attain
Change the verb form
attains
show examples
 that desired band score.
Moreover
, achieving something significant in
life
 never depends on
luck
. It is
marely
Correct your spelling
merely
 a prejudice that something can be achieved by
luck
.
Luck
 will never favour anyone
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 until he does not work hard. Those people who blame their
luck
 for not working in favour of them, are actually worthless and superstitious. They do not have the capability to achieve something on their own
instead
 of blaming their fate.
For instance
, we can see several people around us who only blame others for their mistakes, but they can never identify their own mistakes.
To conclude
, achieving something in
life
 not
depends
Wrong verb form
depend
show examples
 on
luck
, but on dedication and hard work. Blaming
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
luck
 will never bring success.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task achievement
Clarify and expand your examples to provide more depth to your arguments. For example, including a specific case of an individual who achieved success through hard work could make your point more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Include more linking words and phrases to improve coherence and cohesion. This will make the essay flow more smoothly and help the reader follow your argument more easily.
general advice
Be careful with your language accuracy. Avoid small grammatical errors and ensure your sentence structures are varied and correct.
task achievement
Your essay provides a clear perspective, and you have supported your argument with relevant points and examples.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured and aligned with your main argument.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical progression of ideas, which helps in making your argument understandable and cohesive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • luck
  • determination
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • skills
  • continuous learning
  • achievements
  • opportunities
  • networking
  • personal accountability
  • diverse backgrounds
  • access to resources
  • causality
  • creative industries
  • structured fields
  • linear
  • predicated on merit
What to do next:
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