In education and employment, some people work harder than others. Why do some people work harder? Is it always a good thing to work hard?

#education #employment #people #work

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Some

people

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are more hardworking than others in spheres

such

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as education and jobs. In my opinion,

people

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work

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harder because of ambitions, and when they have a goal to reach.

However

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, I contend that it is not good for a person to push themselves permanently. The main reason for being hardworking is having a desirable aim, which gives motivation to keep going and treat it with determination to

work

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. Many workers and students have their dream

Remove the comma

apply

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and wish to make it come true. For that reason, they are permanently working in that sphere until they feel satisfaction of reaching their goal.

For instance

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, in the UK, recent research about productivity found that

people

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who know exactly what they want are more productive and want to reach their

goal

Fix the agreement mistake

goals

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in a small amount of time.

Therefore

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, they

work

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harder and push themselves with schedules

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

deadlines of goals. Despite

aforementioned

Correct article usage

the aforementioned

show examples

benefits,I believe that it has some drawbacks that overweight

benefits

Correct article usage

the benefits

show examples

, and

people

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should not push themselves to

work

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harder permanently. Even though it is beneficial in reaching goals and making a person better than others, it negatively affects

people

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's mental health.

For instance

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, nowadays, there are

people

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who cannot just relax and want to do something. Because they achieve a lot of goals, they want to feel satisfaction and delight.

However

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, it does not bring that feeling as at the beginning, and it causes depression and mental problems. They seem like a squirrel in a wheel, who cannot stop and relax. I believe it is better to

work

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smart, not hard.

This

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means

Change preposition

apply

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not

study

Wrong verb form

studying

show examples

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work

Wrong verb form

working

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for a long time, contrary to

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work

Wrong verb form

working

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study

Wrong verb form

studying

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for a short period but with quality. In conclusion,

people

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with a dream and a desirable goal decide to

work

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harder to reach their wishes.

However

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, it is not essential to be hardworking to reach a goal,

instead

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working smart and relaxing is far better in

people

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’s development.

Submitted by bizhanalikhan6 on Mon Sep 09 2024

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task response

Your introduction does a good job of addressing the topic, but make sure to elaborate a bit more on why people work harder for their ambitions. This will improve clarity and engagement.

coherence cohesion

Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Right now, some transitions feel a bit abrupt. Using more transitional phrases can improve the logical flow.

coherence cohesion

Certain points in your essay could be better supported with specific examples or data. Adding more evidence will make your argument stronger.

task response

Try to provide a balanced view by including some potential positive aspects of working hard permanently to give your essay more depth.

task response

You’ve demonstrated a good understanding of the topic and have presented a clear stance on why people work harder.

task response

Your conclusion effectively sums up your arguments and aligns with the points you've raised in the essay.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which helps in maintaining the reader's interest.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

6.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

325 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Genetic predisposition
Work ethic
Upbringing
Cultural values
Ambitions
Motivated
Fear of failure
Competitive nature
Overworking
Burnout
Stress-related health issues
Productivity
Quality of life
Healthy balance
Long-term productivity

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In education and employment, some people work harder than others. Why do some people work harder? Is it always a good thing to work hard?

Your opinion

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Some people think that illegal Internet downloads are having a negative effect on the music industry. Others feel that have little or no impact on artists. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that volunteer work should be a requirement for teenagers in high schools (for instance working for a charity). To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Some people think young people should be free to choose their job, while others believe that they should be realistic and think about their future. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?