IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In education and employment, some people work harder than others. Why do some people work harder? Is it always a good thing to work hard?

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Some
people
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 are more hardworking than others in spheres
such
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 as education and jobs. In my opinion,
people
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work
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 harder because of ambitions, and when they have a goal to reach.
However
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, I contend that it is not good for a person to push themselves permanently. The main reason for being hardworking is having a desirable aim, which gives motivation to keep going and treat it with determination to
work
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. Many workers and students have their dream
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and wish to make it come true. For that reason, they are permanently working in that sphere until they feel satisfaction of reaching their goal.
For instance
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, in the UK, recent research about productivity found that
people
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 who know exactly what they want are more productive and want to reach their
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
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 in a small amount of time.
Therefore
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, they
work
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 harder and push themselves with schedules
and
Correct word choice
apply
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deadlines of goals. Despite
aforementioned
Correct article usage
the aforementioned
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 benefits,I believe that it has some drawbacks that overweight
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
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, and
people
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 should not push themselves to
work
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 harder permanently. Even though it is beneficial in reaching goals and making a person better than others, it negatively affects
people
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's mental health.
For instance
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, nowadays, there are
people
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 who cannot just relax and want to do something. Because they achieve a lot of goals, they want to feel satisfaction and delight.
However
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, it does not bring that feeling as at the beginning, and it causes depression and mental problems. They seem like a squirrel in a wheel, who cannot stop and relax. I believe it is better to
work
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 smart, not hard.
This
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 means
to
Change preposition
apply
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not
study
Wrong verb form
studying
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 or
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work
Wrong verb form
working
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 for a long time, contrary to
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 or
study
Wrong verb form
studying
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 for a short period but with quality. In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
 with a dream and a desirable goal decide to
work
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 harder to reach their wishes.
However
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, it is not essential to be hardworking to reach a goal,
instead
Linking Words
 working smart and relaxing is far better in
people
Use synonyms
’s development.

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task response
Your introduction does a good job of addressing the topic, but make sure to elaborate a bit more on why people work harder for their ambitions. This will improve clarity and engagement.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Right now, some transitions feel a bit abrupt. Using more transitional phrases can improve the logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Certain points in your essay could be better supported with specific examples or data. Adding more evidence will make your argument stronger.
task response
Try to provide a balanced view by including some potential positive aspects of working hard permanently to give your essay more depth.
task response
You’ve demonstrated a good understanding of the topic and have presented a clear stance on why people work harder.
task response
Your conclusion effectively sums up your arguments and aligns with the points you've raised in the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which helps in maintaining the reader's interest.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Genetic predisposition
  • Work ethic
  • Upbringing
  • Cultural values
  • Ambitions
  • Motivated
  • Fear of failure
  • Competitive nature
  • Overworking
  • Burnout
  • Stress-related health issues
  • Productivity
  • Quality of life
  • Healthy balance
  • Long-term productivity
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