In education and employment, some people work harder than others. Why do some people work harder? Is it always a good thing to work hard?
Some
people
are more hardworking than others in spheres such
as education and jobs. In my opinion, people
work
harder because of ambitions, and when they have a goal to reach. However
, I contend that it is not good for a person to push themselves permanently.
The main reason for being hardworking is having a desirable aim, which gives motivation to keep going and treat it with determination to work
. Many workers and students have their dream,
and wish to make it come true. For that reason, they are permanently working in that sphere until they feel satisfaction of reaching their goal. Remove the comma
apply
For instance
, in the UK, recent research about productivity found that people
who know exactly what they want are more productive and want to reach their goal
in a small amount of time. Fix the agreement mistake
goals
Therefore
, they work
harder and push themselves with schedules and
deadlines of goals.
Despite Correct word choice
apply
aforementioned
benefits,I believe that it has some drawbacks that overweight Correct article usage
the aforementioned
benefits
, and Correct article usage
the benefits
people
should not push themselves to work
harder permanently. Even though it is beneficial in reaching goals and making a person better than others, it negatively affects people
's mental health. For instance
, nowadays, there are people
who cannot just relax and want to do something. Because they achieve a lot of goals, they want to feel satisfaction and delight. However
, it does not bring that feeling as at the beginning, and it causes depression and mental problems. They seem like a squirrel in a wheel, who cannot stop and relax. I believe it is better to work
smart, not hard. This
means to
not Change preposition
apply
study
or Wrong verb form
studying
work
for a long time, contrary to Wrong verb form
working
work
or Wrong verb form
working
study
for a short period but with quality.
In conclusion, Wrong verb form
studying
people
with a dream and a desirable goal decide to work
harder to reach their wishes. However
, it is not essential to be hardworking to reach a goal, instead
working smart and relaxing is far better in people
’s development.Submitted by bizhanalikhan6 on
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task response
Your introduction does a good job of addressing the topic, but make sure to elaborate a bit more on why people work harder for their ambitions. This will improve clarity and engagement.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Right now, some transitions feel a bit abrupt. Using more transitional phrases can improve the logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Certain points in your essay could be better supported with specific examples or data. Adding more evidence will make your argument stronger.
task response
Try to provide a balanced view by including some potential positive aspects of working hard permanently to give your essay more depth.
task response
You’ve demonstrated a good understanding of the topic and have presented a clear stance on why people work harder.
task response
Your conclusion effectively sums up your arguments and aligns with the points you've raised in the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which helps in maintaining the reader's interest.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?