IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The graph below gives information about the preferred leisure activities of Australian children. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown. You should write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The graph below gives information about the preferred leisure activities of Australian children. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown. You should write at least 150 words.
#minutes #information #leisure #activities #australian #children #report #university #lecturer
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The bar chart represents information about what
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
children in Australia
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 when they have leisure time.
Overall
Linking Words
 it can be seen that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 most children spend their time
to watch
Change the verb form
watching
show examples
 television or video games.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the least activity they do is skateboarding or rollerblading.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
boys
Use synonyms
 in Australia use
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
39 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of their leisure time to play skateboarding or rollerblading.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the percentage of the
girls
Use synonyms
 only 23 per
cent
Use synonyms
, in the same activity. Afterwards,
Use synonyms
boys
Correct article usage
the boys
show examples
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there who ride bicycles is 78 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the
girls
Use synonyms
 who play
this
Linking Words
 only 59 per
cent
Use synonyms
. After that, watching TV or video games
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 the most activity they like. Both
boys
Use synonyms
 and
girls
Use synonyms
 have
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 percentage, which is 100 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, the
Use synonyms
boys
Correct quantifier usage
number of boys
show examples
 who like to play electronic or computer games is around 81 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the
girls
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not too like it because the percentage
just
Add a missing verb
is just
show examples
 about 60 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the
last
Linking Words
 category, the
boys
Use synonyms
 who like
art
Fix the agreement mistake
arts
show examples
 and
craft
Correct subject-verb agreement
crafts
show examples
approximately
Add a missing verb
are approximately
show examples
 38 per
cent
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the
girls
Use synonyms
59
Add a missing verb
are 59
show examples
 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by wishmeluck  on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words boys, cent, girls with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • leisure activities
  • popularity
  • participated
  • outdoor activities
  • electronic entertainment
  • gender differences
  • age trends
  • artistic activities
  • cultural trends
  • educational influence
  • group activities
  • individual activities
  • social skills
  • comparison over time
  • statistics
  • surprising findings
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