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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below shows figures for attendances at hospital emergency care departments in Northern Ireland by age group in December 2016 and December 2017.

The chart below shows figures for attendances at hospital emergency care departments in Northern Ireland by age group in December 2016 and December 2017.
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The bar graph gives information about the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who were in emergency care offices of different ages at
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
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 in Northern Ireland in the same month December of two year 2016 and 2017. In general, the youngest and the oldest were
these
Correct determiner usage
the
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groups
Use synonyms
 which had the highest
Use synonyms
people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
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 for emergency care in 2 those months.
In addition
Linking Words
, the number of patients in December 2017 was slightly higher than
last
Linking Words
 December. It is clearly seen that babies who were under 5 and those aged 75 and over
people
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 had a higher point than other
groups
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 but the
people
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 who were over 74 accounted for the highest point, at around 64 attendances per 1000 population. Turning to the other
groups
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 of age, the
people
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 who were 5 -15 had the lowest
patients
Correct quantifier usage
number of patients
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 who came to emergency care, just stood at slightly over 20.
Moreover
Linking Words
, those aged 16 – 74 showed a similar pattern. That
Use synonyms
groups
Fix the agreement mistake
group
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 had approximately 32
people
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 who had to visit
hospital
Add an article
the hospital
a hospital
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 in
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 months of 2016 and 2017.
Submitted by duyuyen18 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, groups with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • chart analysis
  • attendances
  • emergency care departments
  • trend
  • age group
  • patient admissions
  • year-on-year comparison
  • statistical variation
  • healthcare system
  • data interpretation
  • percentage increase/decrease
  • demographics
  • healthcare planning
  • resource management
  • peak times
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