The chart below shows figures for attendances at hospital emergency care departments in Northern Ireland by age group in December 2016 and December 2017.

The chart below shows figures for attendances at hospital emergency care departments in Northern Ireland by age group in December 2016 and December 2017.
The bar graph gives information about the number of
people
who were in emergency care offices of different ages at
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
show examples
in Northern Ireland in the same month December of two year 2016 and 2017. In general, the youngest and the oldest were
these
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
groups
which had the highest
people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
show examples
for emergency care in 2 those months.
In addition
, the number of patients in December 2017 was slightly higher than
last
December. It is clearly seen that babies who were under 5 and those aged 75 and over
people
had a higher point than other
groups
but the
people
who were over 74 accounted for the highest point, at around 64 attendances per 1000 population. Turning to the other
groups
of age, the
people
who were 5 -15 had the lowest
patients
Correct quantifier usage
number of patients
show examples
who came to emergency care, just stood at slightly over 20.
Moreover
, those aged 16 – 74 showed a similar pattern. That
groups
Fix the agreement mistake
group
show examples
had approximately 32
people
who had to visit
hospital
Add an article
the hospital
a hospital
show examples
in
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
months of 2016 and 2017.
Submitted by duyuyen18 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, groups with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • chart analysis
  • attendances
  • emergency care departments
  • trend
  • age group
  • patient admissions
  • year-on-year comparison
  • statistical variation
  • healthcare system
  • data interpretation
  • percentage increase/decrease
  • demographics
  • healthcare planning
  • resource management
  • peak times
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!