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Band 4.5

Some people think that children should start formal education as early as possible, where as other people think children should not start until the age of Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #education #age
Formal
education
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 now
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
already provide
children
 in younger
category
Fix the agreement mistake
categories
show examples
 than before. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents
 tend to want their
children
taking
Change the verb form
to take
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
formal
education
 as soon as possible, without considering their
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 preparedness. In
this
 essay, I will examine the advantages
also
 its disadvantages and explain why I think the drawbacks are far greater. The trend of
early age
Add a hyphen
early-age
show examples
children
's formal
education
 has become increasingly prevalent.
Parents
 believe studying as early as possible will help their
children
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
find their
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
 and
passion
Fix the agreement mistake
passions
show examples
 faster.
For example
,
parents
 will think their kids are not passionate
in
Change preposition
about
show examples
 mathematics, so they might lead their kids to art. The concept of trial and error is adopted until
parents
 find not only the most suitable focus for their
children
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 the most enjoyed one.
However
, it is not an easy phase for
kid
Add an article
a kid
the kid
show examples
 to feel
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
their
Change the word
an
show examples
 early age. Nowadays, there are
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
other
type
Change the wording
types
show examples
 of
unformal
Correct your spelling
informal
show examples
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 have a wiser method for finding
children
's passion. First of all,
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 unformal
education
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 will teach
children
 the foundation things.
For instance
, kids will develop their ability to focus through playing
montessori
Change the capitalization
Montessori
show examples
.
Furthermore
, it is so important to consider our
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 feelings.
By pushing
Change preposition
Pushing
show examples
 them to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
formal
education
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
would likely make them feel overwhelmed. Their feelings
also
 affect their thoughts toward their
parents
,
for example
, the worst is that they will tend to close themself. In
conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, even
there
Correct word choice
though there
show examples
 are surely some advantages, I believe those drawbacks are far greater.
By starting
Change preposition
Starting
show examples
 formal
education
 as early as possible does not
necessary
Change the adjective
necessarily
show examples
 make our
children
 win over the others who
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not.
Submitted by rasyidrahma13 on

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grammar
Be sure to proofread your essay to catch minor grammatical errors (e.g., "provide children in younger category" should be "provides children in younger categories").
coherence cohesion
You should provide stronger linkages between your paragraphs to improve the logical flow of the essay.
task achievement
Support your main points with more detailed examples to make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
You've successfully included an introduction and a conclusion, giving your essay a clear structure.
task achievement
The topic is addressed from multiple perspectives, showing an understanding of different viewpoints.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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