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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. (20 mins.)

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. (20 mins.)
#graphs #information #computer #ownership #percentage #population #level #education #years #summarise #features #comparisons #mins
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The bar charts
illustrates
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illustrate
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 the percentage of
computer
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Use synonyms
ownerships
Fix the agreement mistake
ownership
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 among all people between 2002 and 2010,
as well as
Linking Words
 the percentage of
computer
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owner
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owners
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 by different
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level
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levels
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 of
education
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during
Change preposition
from
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 2002 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that
this
Linking Words
 data showed a
stedily
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steady
steadily
 increase in
computer
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Use synonyms
ownerships
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ownership
show examples
 over time, with significant growth observed in all
education
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 levels.
Higher
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A higher
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level
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 of
education
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 consistently correlated with
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
 rate of
computer
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Use synonyms
ownerships
Fix the agreement mistake
ownership
show examples
thorughtout
Correct your spelling
throughout
 the period. In
term
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terms
show examples
 of
overall
Linking Words
computer
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Use synonyms
ownerships
Fix the agreement mistake
ownership
show examples
, the percentages increased gradually from around 55%
2002
Change preposition
in 2002
show examples
 to approximately 70% by 2010. The most notable growth
occured
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occurred
occurs
 between 2006 and 2008, when
oweships
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ownerships
ownership
 rose from roughly 60% to 70%.
According to
Linking Words
 the data
categorizedd
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categorised
 by
level
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 of
education
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, those with no high school diploma had
te
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the
show examples
 lowest
computer
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Use synonyms
ownerships
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ownership
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, starting at under 20% in 2002 and rising to about 40% in 2010.
In
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contrast
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contrast,
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 individuals with
postgraduational
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postgraduation
qualification
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qualifications
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 had the highest rates of
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ownerships
Fix the agreement mistake
ownership
show examples
,
increaseing
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increasing
 from 75% in 2002 to almost 95% by 2010. A
similiar
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similar
 upward trend was observed in the other educational levels, with notable increases across the board.
For
Linking Words
example
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example,
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ownerships
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 among high school
graudates
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graduates
 rose from approximately 35% in 2002 to nearly 70 % in 2010. In summary,
computer
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Use synonyms
ownerships
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ownership
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 grew significantly between 2002 and 2010, with
education
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level
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 being a major factor in
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ownerships
Change the noun form
ownership
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 rates. The higher the
level
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 of
education
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, the more likely
indiviudals
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individuals
 were to own a
computer
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, and
this
Linking Words
 pattern remained consistent over
ther
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the
 period.
Submitted by sippakorn.wet on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words computer, ownerships, level, education with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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