IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some think that having ambition is a good quality. Is it important to be ambitious? Is it a positive or negative characteristic?

#think #ambition #quality
Some
people
 believe that being
ambitious
Correct article usage
an ambitious
show examples
 human plays a central role in our lives as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social creatures. There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of reasons
may
Correct pronoun usage
that may
show examples
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to the importance of having ambitions,
in addition
, being a
person
 with big visions shows a positive personality to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other humans. There are several reasons why
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would tell of
importance
Add an article
the importance
show examples
 of being an ambitious
person
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nowdays
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
.
Firstly
, it
is helps
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
people
 to achieve their big dreams.
For instance
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 have some unambitious friends that comfortable with their current daily timetable, just because they do not have a vision for their future
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
.
Secondly
, being an immersive human
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to
takes
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
action, not
sitting
Wrong verb form
sit
show examples
 in a chair and
seeing
Wrong verb form
see
show examples
 other
people
succesful
Correct your spelling
successful
.
Lastly
, as an ambitious
person
, we will learn a lot of new things and keep seeking
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
Furthermore
, the characteristics
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 having
a big dreams
Correct the article-noun agreement
big dreams
a big dream
show examples
, somehow could
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 us to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
.
For instance
,
people
 with have a big plan for their
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 will spend most of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 time
to expand
Change the verb form
expanding
show examples
 their knowledge and network.
Moreover
, it will be more attractive to many
people
 because simply they have a good atmosphere. Another example, we can get more exposure from
untouchable
Add an article
the untouchable
an untouchable
show examples
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 that maybe can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 us
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
dreams that we want to achieve.
Last
 but not least, a lot of ambitious
people
 are respected in anywhere. In conclusion, being a
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hardworking
hard work
person
 is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 key
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 getting a better
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
,
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 many reasons that
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 us a better
person
 with attractive characteristics in
positive
Change the article
a positive
show examples
 way.
Submitted by rasyidrahma13 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure your ideas flow logically from one to the next. Use more transition words and phrases to link your thoughts together.
task achievement
To strengthen your task achievement, provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will make your arguments more persuasive.
general
Work on your grammar and vocabulary to ensure your ideas are expressed clearly and accurately. Avoid using overly simple language and aim for more complex structures.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear response to the topic, emphasizing the importance of ambition in achieving dreams and improving oneself.
coherence cohesion
There is an introduction and conclusion present, which provides a sense of completeness to the essay.
coherence cohesion
The writer has attempted to structure the essay with reasons and examples to support their main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: