Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace. Do the benefit of this mobility out where the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

There is no denying the fact that technology has become significant in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
While
it is a commonly held belief that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technonlgy
Correct your spelling
technology
assist
Correct subject-verb agreement
assists
show examples
people outside their
work
, there is
also
an argument that it doesn't help at all whether in
work
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
This
essay will analyse both
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
points of view and express my opinion. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
hand, the majority of people completely
relying
Wrong verb form
rely
show examples
on advanced
technongy
Correct your spelling
technology
even
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
outside of their
work
.
In other words
, it has
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of benefits ,
such
as making the
work
easier and more accurate.
In addition
, it is crucial to ensure
these information
Change the determiner
this information
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
accessible to
work
outside of
get
Change the verb form
getting
show examples
the permits needed.
For example
, if we are to get
work
done ,so it is not important place to do the task.
On the other hand
, some people may
have
Verb problem
be
show examples
afraid to do their assignments outside
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
. It is
also
possible to say that perhaps
technchonlgy
Correct your spelling
technology
has been hacked or damaged by hackers ,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
they may have delicate information and sources.
Moreover
, it is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
critical to preserve our tasks or even projects ,so we do not blame them to avoid hacking.
For instance
, if we
work
outside perhaps get
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
security issue by using
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
or
accessin
Correct your spelling
accessing
their servers ,
thus
it is better to do
work
inside the facility. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
question. On balance,
however
, I tend to believe that we must be more
awareness
Replace the word
aware
show examples
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
our technology ,
such
as
moblile
Correct your spelling
mobile
or
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
.
Submitted by raghadyaseer2015 on

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Language
Your essay would benefit from more precise language and correct spelling. Pay attention to words like 'technology', 'assist', 'advanced', 'permits', and 'projects', which have spelling errors in your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow of your arguments. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea and support it with clear and relevant examples.
Task Response
While you have discussed both viewpoints, your essay would improve if you provided more specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. Adding statistics, studies, or personal experiences could strengthen your argument.
Task Response
You have a clear understanding of the topic and have addressed both sides of the argument, which is very good.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, and they outline the basic structure of your essay, which helps guide the reader through your argument.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • telecommuting
  • remote work
  • flexible hours
  • work-life balance
  • cost-efficiency
  • carbon footprint
  • global talent pool
  • cybersecurity
  • data breaches
  • virtual collaboration
  • isolation
  • team cohesion
  • performance monitoring
  • accountability
  • hybrid working model
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