IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to studyscience at university. What are thecauses? And What will be the effects on society?

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There is a perception that in more countries they
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not enough pupils who are interested in studying
science
Use synonyms
 at
universities
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay believes that some causes might be that technology has influenced young adults, and these
students
Use synonyms
 are getting
degrees
Use synonyms
 that pay high salaries. Some of the effects
this
Linking Words
 might bring
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 that
society
Use synonyms
 might
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doctors, and some careers might disappear from
universities
Use synonyms
 due
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 not
having
Verb problem
being
show examples
 acceptation among
students
Use synonyms
. One of the causes of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon is that technology
influence
Change the verb form
influences
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 to follow trends
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 certain academic subjects
such
Linking Words
 as computer
science
Use synonyms
 and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
. If they have skills
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 computers, they might have better job opportunities in a short period of time.
Besides
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, they might be able to work from home and avoid traffic
congestions
Fix the agreement mistake
congestion
show examples
 and money. Another cause of not having enough
students
Use synonyms
 who are interested in
science
Use synonyms
 is that they are looking for well-paid jobs that assure them to have enough money to survive. More importantly, those who have
science
Use synonyms
degrees
Use synonyms
 are
paying
Wrong verb form
paid
show examples
 less than those who chose Artificial
intelligence
Use synonyms
 or computer classes.
For instance
Linking Words
, Google company usually seek
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
young adults who have great skills
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 computers and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 to track
scummers
Correct your spelling
scammers
show examples
, so they are well-paid and have great perks. One of the effects on
society
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 about not having enough
students
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are
interesting
Replace the word
interested
show examples
 in
science
Use synonyms
degrees
Use synonyms
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 that
society
Use synonyms
 might have fewer doctors and medical personnel to fulfil
Use synonyms
society
Change noun form
society's
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 demands on health.
Also
Linking Words
, if
society
Use synonyms
has lack
Wrong verb form
lacks
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doctors, more people might get sick for
minors
Fix the agreement mistake
minor
show examples
 causes, so
this
Linking Words
 might cause
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
chaos
int he
Correct your spelling
in the
show examples
 whole world. The second effect might be that
science
Use synonyms
 careers might
disappears
Change the verb form
disappear
show examples
 from
universities
Use synonyms
 due
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 not having many
students
Use synonyms
 to complete a class.
As a result
Linking Words
, other technology classes might appear to cover the high demands on
this
Linking Words
 topic. More importantly, thousands of teachers might lose their jobs because
students
Use synonyms
 are not interested in
science
Use synonyms
 topics, and artificial
intelligence
Use synonyms
 might occupy these positions. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 year in UK artificial
intelligence
Use synonyms
 is going to be used in a local school to teach elementary
students
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, if there are not enough
students
Use synonyms
 who are interested in
science
Use synonyms
degrees
Use synonyms
,
society
Use synonyms
 might lose
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
balances
Correct subject-verb agreement
balance
show examples
 and many people might suffer from
this
Linking Words
.
Also
Linking Words
,
universities
Use synonyms
 around the world might lose their
interesting
Replace the word
interest
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 having
degrees
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as doctor and teacher, so artificial
intelligence
Use synonyms
 like robots might get these positions.

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task achievement
Try to mention more specific and diverse examples to fully develop your points and bolster the argument.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure and vocabulary usage to avoid small inaccuracies which could confuse the reader (e.g. “computer classes” should be “computer science classes”).
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph centers around a clear, distinct idea, and use linking words effectively to enhance the essay's coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good framework for the discussion.
task achievement
The main points regarding causes and effects are logically outlined and are relevant to the essay prompt.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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