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The chart below shows information about Heart Attacks by Age and Gender in USA. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. • You should write at least 150 words. • You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The chart below shows information about Heart Attacks by Age and Gender in USA. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. • You should write at least 150 words. • You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
#information #heart #attacks #age #gender #usa #summarise #features #comparisons #minutes
The chart describes the prevalence of heart attacks by
age
 and gender in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
.
This
 bar divided
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 into three criteria 29-44
age
group
,
45
Correct article usage
the 45
show examples
-64
age
group
 and
65+
Correct article usage
the 65+
show examples
age
group
. The
first,
in
29
Correct article usage
the 29
show examples
-44
age
group
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
shows
trend
Correct article usage
a trend
show examples
 the
man
 has 123 thousands of
accident
Fix the agreement mistake
accidents
show examples
this
Change preposition
with this
show examples
desease
Correct your spelling
disease
.
Whereas
woman
Correct article usage
the woman
show examples
group
 has 3
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 heart attacks. The
second,
the next
age
group
man
Correct your spelling
the male
show examples
group
 is still on the top rank than
woman's
Change noun form
woman
show examples
age
group
.
Further more
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
show examples
, it has increased rapidly
heart
Change preposition
in heart
show examples
attacks incident
Fix the agreement mistake
attack incidents
show examples
 than
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
group
 before. if we compare
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both
age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
,
45
Correct article usage
the 45
show examples
-64
age
group
 seems very significantly contributing to
enhance
Change the verb form
enhancing
show examples
rate
Add an article
the rate
show examples
 of incidence in
this
age
group
. the third bar shows that
man
Correct article usage
the man
show examples
 and
woman
group
 has only
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
show examples
 difference in case numbers.
More over
Correct your spelling
Moreover
show examples
, for the trends of
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
show examples
man
 and
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
 case, the
man
group
 is
biggest
Correct article usage
the biggest
show examples
occurance
Correct your spelling
occurrence
. and the
all
Add a hyphen
all-age
show examples
age
group
 nothing bars describe the decreasing of
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
show examples
.
in
Capitalize word
In
show examples
particularly
Change the word
particular
show examples
, the
age
group
 has similarity trends between
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
. In conclusion, For the
age
group
, more
65
Change preposition
than 65
show examples
 years old is the biggest
group
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
. Whilst, 29-44
age
group
 is
smallest
Change the article
the smallest
show examples
 population in
woman
group
 for
accurance
Correct your spelling
assurance
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, group, man, woman with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "describes" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • occurrence
  • prevalence
  • age group
  • gender disparities
  • notable trends
  • significant
  • comparison
  • discrepancies
  • patterns
  • statistics
  • demographics
  • rate of incidence
  • proportion
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