IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows information about Heart Attacks by Age and Gender in USA. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. • You should write at least 150 words. • You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The chart below shows information about Heart Attacks by Age and Gender in USA. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. • You should write at least 150 words. • You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
#information #heart #attacks #age #gender #usa #summarise #features #comparisons #minutes
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The chart describes the prevalence of heart attacks by
age
Use synonyms
 and gender in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 bar divided
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 into three criteria 29-44
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
,
45
Correct article usage
the 45
show examples
-64
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 and
65+
Correct article usage
the 65+
show examples
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
. The
first,
Linking Words
in
29
Correct article usage
the 29
show examples
-44
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
shows
trend
Correct article usage
a trend
show examples
 the
man
Use synonyms
 has 123 thousands of
accident
Fix the agreement mistake
accidents
show examples
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
with this
show examples
desease
Correct your spelling
disease
.
Whereas
Linking Words
Use synonyms
woman
Correct article usage
the woman
show examples
group
Use synonyms
 has 3
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 heart attacks. The
second,
Linking Words
the next
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
man
Correct your spelling
the male
show examples
group
Use synonyms
 is still on the top rank than
Use synonyms
woman's
Change noun form
woman
show examples
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Further more
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
show examples
, it has increased rapidly
heart
Change preposition
in heart
show examples
attacks incident
Fix the agreement mistake
attack incidents
show examples
 than
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
group
Use synonyms
 before. if we compare
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both
age
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
,
45
Correct article usage
the 45
show examples
-64
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 seems very significantly contributing to
enhance
Change the verb form
enhancing
show examples
rate
Add an article
the rate
show examples
 of incidence in
this
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
. the third bar shows that
Use synonyms
man
Correct article usage
the man
show examples
 and
woman
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 has only
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
show examples
 difference in case numbers.
More over
Correct your spelling
Moreover
show examples
, for the trends of
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
show examples
man
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 case, the
man
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 is
biggest
Correct article usage
the biggest
show examples
occurance
Correct your spelling
occurrence
. and the
all
Add a hyphen
all-age
show examples
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 nothing bars describe the decreasing of
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
show examples
.
in
Capitalize word
In
show examples
particularly
Change the word
particular
show examples
, the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 has similarity trends between
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
age
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
. In conclusion, For the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
, more
65
Change preposition
than 65
show examples
 years old is the biggest
group
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
. Whilst, 29-44
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 is
smallest
Change the article
the smallest
show examples
 population in
woman
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 for
accurance
Correct your spelling
assurance
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, group, man, woman with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "describes" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • occurrence
  • prevalence
  • age group
  • gender disparities
  • notable trends
  • significant
  • comparison
  • discrepancies
  • patterns
  • statistics
  • demographics
  • rate of incidence
  • proportion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: