In a public-funded healthcare system, people who are willing to pay for the best and fast treatment should be able to do so. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Indiviuals
can access Correct your spelling
Individuals
public
healthcare system Correct article usage
the public
durning theire
ailments. It is argued that for Correct your spelling
during their
the
quick and better Correct article usage
apply
treatment
people can pay if they want. In this
essay
I will discuss how Add a comma
essay,
its
Correct your spelling
it is
benefical
for others to get fast Correct your spelling
beneficial
treatment
as well.
Persons who are paying themselves
in the general hospital Change preposition
for themselves
are not only helps
themselves but Change the verb form
are not only helping
are not only helped
providing
Rephrase
also providing
assitant
to others. Correct your spelling
assistance
assistant
For example
, rich ones paying
for cancer Wrong verb form
pay
treatment
, meanwhile they saving
money which leads to Wrong verb form
save
improve
the Change the verb form
improving
heatlh
of poor people. Correct your spelling
health
Moreover
, left over
money might be used for getting better equipment in the hospital which has resulted in better technology and safe medical equipment.
Correct your spelling
leftover
By paying
money in Change preposition
Paying
the
public Correct article usage
apply
hostpitals
Correct your spelling
hospitals
help
to get quick Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
treatment
. waiting in the queue, for insatance
people may cut the line which Correct your spelling
instance
allow
Change the verb form
allows
to save
time. Change the verb form
saving
As a result
, indivials
could go home early Correct your spelling
individuals
instead
of waitaing
Correct your spelling
waiting
a ages
in the hospital for Correct the article-noun agreement
ages
an age
the
Correct article usage
apply
treatment
. Moreover
,Submitted by mandeep10022 on
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task achievement
The essay introduction is fairly clear but lacks a clear thesis statement that maps out the arguments. It's important to be more specific about what aspects of the statement you will discuss.
task achievement
Some grammar and spelling errors (e.g., 'durning', 'their', 'heatlh', 'indivials') detract from the overall clarity. Proofreading for such errors will improve the essay’s readability.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure can be improved by ensuring each paragraph has one clear idea and avoids redundancy. Some ideas are repeated instead of moving the argument forward. Try to refine your points to ensure each is distinct and adds to the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a conclusion. A strong conclusion summarizes the key points made in the essay and restates the writer's stance. Insert a concluding paragraph to provide a cohesive end to your essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your main points. This can help in making your argument more persuasive and clear.
task achievement
The essay touches upon relevant issues such as the economic benefits of allowing payment in public hospitals and the potential for better equipment and technology.
task achievement
There is an attempt to discuss both how this system benefits payers and the broader community, which shows an understanding of various stakeholders.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.